What goes without saying

When things don't work out as you'd hoped they would, take stock of your options. If somebody has given you their key and said, "Show up anytime, no questions asked," you know you can take them up on that. Hitting the open road again is an option. Sticking it out, even if it seems untenable, is an option. Sometimes, you can make the difference. Trying something entirely new, like forming your own group or company or adopting a new lifestyle, is an option.

Meanwhile, when you've finally truly let someone into your life, and you trust them completely, and they are willing to take care of you, let them. There is at least as much pleasure in giving as receiving. Maybe that's how they want to express their continuing love at this point, and maybe it's the only option you've left them.

Look at that key. Look at your ring. Listen to your heart. Be free and stay connected. There is no fundamental contradiction between those states. In fact, to be truly free, you may need to be truly connected.

Freedom, or feeling like you're free, can be a hard state to attain. There are always obligations and responsibilities in life, and burdens. Staying connected is even harder in this life. Breaking up and falling away is the relatively easy part. We all know how to do that (even me, apparently.) But holding on as long as possible requires a strength of will that is sure to sap a person in other ways. We only do that when our instincts tell us it is the right thing to do, (staying connected), as opposed to falling away.

Imagine a life where you are both as free as a bird but as connected as a child with a loving home. Fantasy? Why?

Just because you've never known it doesn't mean it can't happen. If no one ever tries to invent a new way, then all of the old assumptions apply:

Times heals all wounds. People move on. Everything changes. It has to. Everyone changes. They have to.

"Change is good," a mantra my fried Louis Rossetto used to repeat.

Meanwhile, back here, the door is locked but as long as you have the key, you can open it. A proposal remains on the table. You wear a ring. Now talk about a way to change the paradigm. Your old ghosts might never forgive you. All it takes is the courage to dare the fates. That would be the act of someone who has truly become free -- if her heart told her to do it.

I like your odds. But I'm a romantic. Tempting the fates is why I showed up in the first place. The only odds that attract me are the long ones. Playing it safe isn't an option. Trapping a Freebird isn't my goal. Flying free together is. Eventually, if I have to, I will follow the cliches, and turn my blue eyes on a new partner.

But there's still time to alter destinies, and defy convention. You, and only you, hold the key to unlocking that one.