My new nurse is Tatiana from Brazil. "It's a Russian name but I'm Brazilian!" she said cheerfully.
My new CNA is Rose from Tanzania. She said she was the first woman hired by the Tanzanian gold mining industry.
She worked for a Canadian-based corporation that made tons of money from the gold. Her job was above ground. She operated equipment that lowered the miners far below the earth. Then the miners identified the places where the next vein of gold was likely to be.
Then they attached explosives and cleared out of the area. Upon their signal she would push a button and reveal the vein. Then the miners chipped out the gold.
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Saturday, January 04, 2020
Appetite Science
The only things I've ever found involving this topic involve how people overeat by substituting food for emotional needs that otherwise would go unmet.
In other words, psychology.
So that is little help with my current situation. I wake up early -- 4 a.m.-- as my roommate heads off for dialysis. I'm hungry. I restlessly toss and turn and get up and take a walk and get back in bed with light off.
It's 5 a.m. Now I am quite hungry.
Night nurse Chin comes in to apply my face cream. She is excited because she visits China soon for Spring Festival.
It's 6 a.m. Now I am ravenous. Another hour or so until breakfast.
What science is this?
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In other words, psychology.
So that is little help with my current situation. I wake up early -- 4 a.m.-- as my roommate heads off for dialysis. I'm hungry. I restlessly toss and turn and get up and take a walk and get back in bed with light off.
It's 5 a.m. Now I am quite hungry.
Night nurse Chin comes in to apply my face cream. She is excited because she visits China soon for Spring Festival.
It's 6 a.m. Now I am ravenous. Another hour or so until breakfast.
What science is this?
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Friday, January 03, 2020
Ahead of Schedule
I've gained four pounds in the past three days. The goal is two pounds a week,
It seems feasible I'll be up to 165 pounds by next Wednesday from a low last year of 140 pounds.
That is way ahead of any goal we've set.
***
The aspect of these group living situations I hate is having roommates. They inevitably play dumb TV shows loudly, including the ads. I have no option but to turn on CNN, even when I need a nap, to partially drown out the noise of stupidity.
I'm not voluntarily going into a roommate situation again. That ends any discussion of further rehab. It also means the only option is to remain in my apartment until a suitable alternative can be found, which may never happen.
-30-
It seems feasible I'll be up to 165 pounds by next Wednesday from a low last year of 140 pounds.
That is way ahead of any goal we've set.
***
The aspect of these group living situations I hate is having roommates. They inevitably play dumb TV shows loudly, including the ads. I have no option but to turn on CNN, even when I need a nap, to partially drown out the noise of stupidity.
I'm not voluntarily going into a roommate situation again. That ends any discussion of further rehab. It also means the only option is to remain in my apartment until a suitable alternative can be found, which may never happen.
-30-
Housing Realities
Today I came to a new understanding about what I can tolerate in my future living situation. In fact, what I would prefer. I'd like to be in an assisted care facility where the help can be dialed up or back, depending on my health status
There are few non-negotiable items -- it has to be a private room and bathroom. It has to be in the Bay Area.
Currently, I'm in strong health. So my thought was why not start researching now?
I called based on a Google search and was assigned an expert, Karen. She said I would have to leave the Bay Area in order to afford such a place. She also said to call back when I was closer to the state of needing assisted living. She left me her number.
So just when I reached the self-awareness that I am willing to consider a dramatic change, the prospect of living independently at home re-emerges as my best option.
-30-
There are few non-negotiable items -- it has to be a private room and bathroom. It has to be in the Bay Area.
Currently, I'm in strong health. So my thought was why not start researching now?
I called based on a Google search and was assigned an expert, Karen. She said I would have to leave the Bay Area in order to afford such a place. She also said to call back when I was closer to the state of needing assisted living. She left me her number.
So just when I reached the self-awareness that I am willing to consider a dramatic change, the prospect of living independently at home re-emerges as my best option.
-30-
Luxuries
If you stay in a nursing facility long enough, you discover new layers of opportunity. It is like peeling an onion. Today, after a week here, I discovered that I can go to the dining room, get my own fresh cup of coffee, and read today's New York Times or San Francisco Chronicle.
In this land of excess and luxury, it can be easy to lose sight of what actually matters. Love is the greatest luxury: Having people who love you. Love is not a cliche and cannot be taken for granted.
If you are cold at 5 a.m. and you can have an extra blanket for your bed, that is a luxury.
A cup of morning coffee and a newspaper.
The songs of birds in trees.
A cloudless sky, or a cloudy sky. Rain. Snow if you don't have to go out in it.
Of course food. Just simple foods.
Health is a critical luxury. Being able to recover your health after illness is magical.
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In this land of excess and luxury, it can be easy to lose sight of what actually matters. Love is the greatest luxury: Having people who love you. Love is not a cliche and cannot be taken for granted.
If you are cold at 5 a.m. and you can have an extra blanket for your bed, that is a luxury.
A cup of morning coffee and a newspaper.
The songs of birds in trees.
A cloudless sky, or a cloudy sky. Rain. Snow if you don't have to go out in it.
Of course food. Just simple foods.
Health is a critical luxury. Being able to recover your health after illness is magical.
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Just Another Sleepless Night
"Your skin is soft, lIke a baby's," Chin laughed as she applied my morning facial cream before 6 a.m.
As we age and lose physical abilities (sometimes mental as well), we feel like babies once again. My youngest granddaughter, Bettina, is scheduled to visit tomorrow. She is not yet 15 months old. I am not yet 73 years old. I don't see her very often, yet when I do it is as if we instinctively comprehend each other's challenges.
It was a rough night sleeping. At nights like that one, time feels like a loaf of bread. You slice it every hour and you get 30 minutes of bread (sleep) and 30 minutes until the next slice.
I might have felt sorry for myself, until I asked Chin how much she sleeps during the day after working her night shift. "Maybe an hour, I can't really sleep. Just like you."
-30-
As we age and lose physical abilities (sometimes mental as well), we feel like babies once again. My youngest granddaughter, Bettina, is scheduled to visit tomorrow. She is not yet 15 months old. I am not yet 73 years old. I don't see her very often, yet when I do it is as if we instinctively comprehend each other's challenges.
It was a rough night sleeping. At nights like that one, time feels like a loaf of bread. You slice it every hour and you get 30 minutes of bread (sleep) and 30 minutes until the next slice.
I might have felt sorry for myself, until I asked Chin how much she sleeps during the day after working her night shift. "Maybe an hour, I can't really sleep. Just like you."
-30-
Thursday, January 02, 2020
Making the Rounds
Several times each day and night, I grab my cane and walk around this facility. Just did so now. I nod at everyone I see. on these strolls but I only saw one other patient, sitting in her wheelchair, tonight. The rest were staffers, most of whom I've gotten to know.
This isn't cabin fever -- it is exercise. It builds confidence.
One lasting result of this year's events is I will take with me a healthy respect for health care workers...
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This isn't cabin fever -- it is exercise. It builds confidence.
One lasting result of this year's events is I will take with me a healthy respect for health care workers...
-30-
Progressions
Intuitively, we all understand it, but it helps to actually live rehabilitation.
At first, you're in bed. Slowly you build strength and ,move around in a wheelchair. Then you progress to a walker. Then to walking with a cane.
Ultimately, since that was the goal, stable movement with the cane is what we are seeking.
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At first, you're in bed. Slowly you build strength and ,move around in a wheelchair. Then you progress to a walker. Then to walking with a cane.
Ultimately, since that was the goal, stable movement with the cane is what we are seeking.
-30-
Another 7:23 Sunrise
It seems familiar now. I sleep fitfully through the darkness until roughly an hour or less before sunset here. Pacifica is clear this morning temperature is 51 degrees, It is very quiet here as the morning shift will arrive with the sun.
I've already had my first nurse visit -- from Chin, one of my favorites.
***
During their visit the other day, Dylan and Meg gave me some advice regarding my memoir. It was essentially "Put as many anecdotes about famous people in there as you can."
The manuscript is increasingly packed with such anecdotes, because I've had many such encounters in my life.
But that is not the purpose of the book. This is a contradiction I must work out. I'm trying to argue journalism is at risk and explain the investigative process, but the anecdotes keep overwhelming that narrative.
-40-
I've already had my first nurse visit -- from Chin, one of my favorites.
***
During their visit the other day, Dylan and Meg gave me some advice regarding my memoir. It was essentially "Put as many anecdotes about famous people in there as you can."
The manuscript is increasingly packed with such anecdotes, because I've had many such encounters in my life.
But that is not the purpose of the book. This is a contradiction I must work out. I'm trying to argue journalism is at risk and explain the investigative process, but the anecdotes keep overwhelming that narrative.
-40-
Wednesday, January 01, 2020
Eating Everything in Sight
When the doctors said they had ways to stimulate my appetite, I nodded but didn't ask how they would do that.
But whatever they did worked. Think about it, The overwhelming amount of time I am lying in bed. I get little exercise.
Yet before every meal gets here, I feel famished. I eat every scrap on the plate. And that is five meals/large snack plates a day. Yesterday it was six.
So I must be adding weight at this point.
Just finished dinner. I wonder when the next snack will arrive?
-30-
But whatever they did worked. Think about it, The overwhelming amount of time I am lying in bed. I get little exercise.
Yet before every meal gets here, I feel famished. I eat every scrap on the plate. And that is five meals/large snack plates a day. Yesterday it was six.
So I must be adding weight at this point.
Just finished dinner. I wonder when the next snack will arrive?
-30-
What January 1st is Good For
I should have guessed this, but the first day of the year is a very good day to work on your memoir. I woke early and almost immediately began writing.
It makes sense. You can feel the transition of the years almost physically. That is a good context for this kind of work.
-30-
It makes sense. You can feel the transition of the years almost physically. That is a good context for this kind of work.
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The Dawn of This Day
Here, it's a ways off still.
Meanwhile, my French grandchildren are enjoying jokes: "Oh my, I haven't eaten since last year!"
Transitions matter, as do traditions. I love the tradition of New Year's Resolutions, though I've never tried it.
Who can't love the pre-dawn darkness? There's something palpable about to happen. And we've made it through another night. Whatever helps you do that may be okay when you are young but the time you're my age, "whatever" is reduced to a short list.
-30-
Meanwhile, my French grandchildren are enjoying jokes: "Oh my, I haven't eaten since last year!"
Transitions matter, as do traditions. I love the tradition of New Year's Resolutions, though I've never tried it.
Who can't love the pre-dawn darkness? There's something palpable about to happen. And we've made it through another night. Whatever helps you do that may be okay when you are young but the time you're my age, "whatever" is reduced to a short list.
-30-
Tuesday, December 31, 2019
And Of Course...
It's only 2020 on the east coast. Here it is still 2019.
This in-between time always fascinates me as a media person, as for most Americans, New Year's is a television program.
It is for me. Lying in a hospital bed this year, it could hardly be otherwise.
-30-
This in-between time always fascinates me as a media person, as for most Americans, New Year's is a television program.
It is for me. Lying in a hospital bed this year, it could hardly be otherwise.
-30-
Happy 2020!
This turned into a strange day after I hurt my back over-exercising. But I heard from lots of friends, which made the day ultimately.
How have 72+ years gone so quickly?
Well, IDK, but on to the next one! I hope it is a happy one for all of you...
-30-
How have 72+ years gone so quickly?
Well, IDK, but on to the next one! I hope it is a happy one for all of you...
-30-
Year End Depression
I should have seen this coming -- in and out of medical facilities all year and straight through the holidays. I've made the best of it until now but this situation has grown old. They want me to stay another week.
-30-
-30-
What if the Earth has a Brain?
As we age, the Earth ages with us.
This thought greeted me as sunrise approaches on the last morning of the year. If it isn't too foggy, the sun should emerge in the east in a little over an hour. Here in Pacifica, it's 48 degrees. I'm in the skilled nursing facility known as Linda Mar.
A substantial portion of my career has been spent investigating environmental issues. Circle of Poison is the best known of this work, but The Bhopal Syndrome has also had some impact. Both of these were meant to be seen as components of the cumulative and ultimate threat -- global climate change.
It's easy to overlook the fact that the earth itself is also aging -- just like us --although according to a different time continuum. We come and go so fast, relatively speaking, that it is often hard for us to perceive geologic and astronomical time.
Instead, we mourn the passing of a local cafe that had been a favorite for 25 years, or a beloved pet that dies after 18 years. These losses are real and painful and we've all had them. But they remain well within the limits of our human memory card.
In my case, I remember specific events from the early 50s -- a half-century ago.
That is a pittance compared to Earth, which is over 4.5 billion years old. That would take a hell of a lot of candles to celebrate and it would take a pretty big cake.
The best we can do is use metaphors and utilize our skills at estimation.
As we age, we gradually note the loss of functions, and the changes to what our bodies can tolerate, like temperature ranges or exercise. Here, during a physical therapy workout, I'm being asked to be able to do things a five-year-old can do and believe me, that is progress.
What if the Earth has a brain?
Could we perceive it and where would it be? What does it think about passing the 4.5 billion milestone? Is it gradually slowing down?
Perhaps these are the projections of an aging man.
Perhaps.
-30-
This thought greeted me as sunrise approaches on the last morning of the year. If it isn't too foggy, the sun should emerge in the east in a little over an hour. Here in Pacifica, it's 48 degrees. I'm in the skilled nursing facility known as Linda Mar.
A substantial portion of my career has been spent investigating environmental issues. Circle of Poison is the best known of this work, but The Bhopal Syndrome has also had some impact. Both of these were meant to be seen as components of the cumulative and ultimate threat -- global climate change.
It's easy to overlook the fact that the earth itself is also aging -- just like us --although according to a different time continuum. We come and go so fast, relatively speaking, that it is often hard for us to perceive geologic and astronomical time.
Instead, we mourn the passing of a local cafe that had been a favorite for 25 years, or a beloved pet that dies after 18 years. These losses are real and painful and we've all had them. But they remain well within the limits of our human memory card.
In my case, I remember specific events from the early 50s -- a half-century ago.
That is a pittance compared to Earth, which is over 4.5 billion years old. That would take a hell of a lot of candles to celebrate and it would take a pretty big cake.
The best we can do is use metaphors and utilize our skills at estimation.
As we age, we gradually note the loss of functions, and the changes to what our bodies can tolerate, like temperature ranges or exercise. Here, during a physical therapy workout, I'm being asked to be able to do things a five-year-old can do and believe me, that is progress.
What if the Earth has a brain?
Could we perceive it and where would it be? What does it think about passing the 4.5 billion milestone? Is it gradually slowing down?
Perhaps these are the projections of an aging man.
Perhaps.
-30-
2019 was...
A year of illness, retirement, and selling my 2004 Saturn Ion. It was the only car I ever bought new, in December 2003, I owned it for 15.5 years, fully 28 percent of the years I drove, at least minimally. Growing up in Michigan, the relative of many auto industry workers, the symbolic power of buying a new car was embedded in my cultural bones.
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Monday, December 30, 2019
Strength is...
...a quality I took for granted until recently. I under-estimated how much our bodies change as we age,
Use it ir lose it1
That's why physical therapy becomes necessary at my age and in my condition. I have to work to get back to where I should be but am not.
A little work pays big dividends.
-30-
Use it ir lose it1
That's why physical therapy becomes necessary at my age and in my condition. I have to work to get back to where I should be but am not.
A little work pays big dividends.
-30-
More Posts...
...this year than any year since 2009! I've been more able to write here without a daily job. Probably not done yet either. Lot is going on.
I did physical therapy and occupational therapy today & reportedly did well. I've grown to like this place. The exercises are helping my strength and balance issues,
-30-
I did physical therapy and occupational therapy today & reportedly did well. I've grown to like this place. The exercises are helping my strength and balance issues,
-30-
Special Present
Dylan & Meghan brought me this special cake tonight!
They also brought some more of my clean clothes.
We have clear idea how long I'll be here.
But the cake will help!
-30-
Epiphanies Converge
In this excellent program at Linda Mar, I am seeing parallels between diet, exercise, mental heath, diversity, genetic testing and other technological opportunities. This also potentially adds up to a better chance to reduce the ravages of climate change.
That's because we need to address all those other fields in order to collectively as humans save an habitable planet.
It starts with each individual and their goals. For me, having grown from 140 to 156 pounds is on course to make 170 over the next 6-7 weeks.
The muscle content of that weight is also critical.
Most of my new ideas are at the early stages. Specialists already know so much more than the general public that it is a major opportunity to close that gap -- quickly. It is necessary we do so.
For example, genetic testing of a young child showing signs of Autism can help that child through a change of diet!
-30-
That's because we need to address all those other fields in order to collectively as humans save an habitable planet.
It starts with each individual and their goals. For me, having grown from 140 to 156 pounds is on course to make 170 over the next 6-7 weeks.
The muscle content of that weight is also critical.
Most of my new ideas are at the early stages. Specialists already know so much more than the general public that it is a major opportunity to close that gap -- quickly. It is necessary we do so.
For example, genetic testing of a young child showing signs of Autism can help that child through a change of diet!
-30-
Eating Right
I confess I've made it to 72 without taking seriously the importance of diet to health. This past year I've learned the consequences of that failure.
Today I met with the dietary head here at Mar Loma, a woman with years of experience in restaurants. She described her philosophy here, which is fascinating and informative.
Every meal is balanced. and there are always substitutions available. The vegetables and fruits are fresh. They do not repeat meals very often but instead run through a cycle of different protein sources, veggies, breads, and desserts.
Since they are serving an elderly population, some options, such as thicker cuts of meat, or apples may not be available. Thin cuts and berries are alternatives.
-30-
Today I met with the dietary head here at Mar Loma, a woman with years of experience in restaurants. She described her philosophy here, which is fascinating and informative.
Every meal is balanced. and there are always substitutions available. The vegetables and fruits are fresh. They do not repeat meals very often but instead run through a cycle of different protein sources, veggies, breads, and desserts.
Since they are serving an elderly population, some options, such as thicker cuts of meat, or apples may not be available. Thin cuts and berries are alternatives.
-30-
Research Papers
I was rereading my son Peter's scientific research papers this morning and was amazed again at how much information is now available via Google. I remember the thrill when I saw his first school paper on the Internet, probably 25 years ago.
What would have been laborious then to find has become trivial today.
***
My roommate, Hayward, had a relatively quiet night, but by 5 am, he became agitated and started calling out about things from his past or imagined events.
The PT team showed up and demonstrated how skilled they are. They got him up and in a chair much faster than the weekend team could do.
He ate a bit and we had a brief conversation.
-30-
What would have been laborious then to find has become trivial today.
***
My roommate, Hayward, had a relatively quiet night, but by 5 am, he became agitated and started calling out about things from his past or imagined events.
The PT team showed up and demonstrated how skilled they are. They got him up and in a chair much faster than the weekend team could do.
He ate a bit and we had a brief conversation.
-30-
Acting: Expressing Complex Emotions
In Casablanca, the character played by Ingrid Bergman unexpectedly encounters her ex-lover, played by Humphrey Bogart. I love what happens at one point in the sequence of scenes that follow. She uses a set of four different, progressive eye movements io express the emotional complexity of the situation, including love, which drives the plot of the movie from then on.
In The Hunger Games, the character played by Jennifer Lawrence employs a similar set of four eye movements to express a very different dry of emotions, including suspicion, as she processes something her "mentor" has said.
Where I am now I cannot access those movies, so I won't be more explicit until I can.
-30-
In The Hunger Games, the character played by Jennifer Lawrence employs a similar set of four eye movements to express a very different dry of emotions, including suspicion, as she processes something her "mentor" has said.
Where I am now I cannot access those movies, so I won't be more explicit until I can.
-30-
The Insomniac
1:30 am
Well, this sleeping medication isn't working. I did sleep two hours last night before taking the pill, but in the 1.5 hours since then I've been awake.
One problem is too many ideas swirl around in my brain as I try to go back to sleep. I've got a whopper tonight -- a new consulting company.
This one needs refinement but has the potential to be profitable.
There, I've posted to the blog. Now I'll try again.
2:30 am
Still awake and thinking, My idea has become so elaborate that it already involves dozens of people. Since I don't drink or do drugs, it is not fueled by artificial substances.
It's pure!
2:30 am
Still awake and thinking, My idea has become so elaborate that it already involves dozens of people. Since I don't drink or do drugs, it is not fueled by artificial substances.
It's pure!
-30-
Sunday, December 29, 2019
The Place.4
A nurse explained to me there are two groups treated here -- the short-termers like me who mainly need physical therapy -- and the long-termers like my roommate. We are mainly grouped by category two per room. So usually there are two short-termers or two long-termers.
I gather the Maginot Line is running through the middle of our room.
-30-
I gather the Maginot Line is running through the middle of our room.
-30-
Rainy Sunday Dim Sum
My friend Roger visited me in this place and the rain poured down for a while as we talked business. That is one of my passions -- launching new businesses, strategy, revenue projections, market estimation, growth potential -- all the things I've been doing since the Internet went viral via the Web in 1995.
He also brought Dim Sum -- first time I've had in years and it was delicious.
I love the different ways people's brains work. Roger not only has one of the best business minds I know, he is also strong in technology, media, and politics. He has worked in major political campaigns in the past, so he is always insightful about subjects like the 2020 Presidential election.
All in all, a delightful visit.
***
It seems my kids, or some of them, question whether I can live independently yet. I don't blame them, given my recent history. But it is what I want. I also want to work again. Roger and I worked together at KQED. I miss the many relationships I had there. Maybe after six more months of recovery, I can set up a small consulting project.
-30-
He also brought Dim Sum -- first time I've had in years and it was delicious.
I love the different ways people's brains work. Roger not only has one of the best business minds I know, he is also strong in technology, media, and politics. He has worked in major political campaigns in the past, so he is always insightful about subjects like the 2020 Presidential election.
All in all, a delightful visit.
***
It seems my kids, or some of them, question whether I can live independently yet. I don't blame them, given my recent history. But it is what I want. I also want to work again. Roger and I worked together at KQED. I miss the many relationships I had there. Maybe after six more months of recovery, I can set up a small consulting project.
-30-
The Place.3
My roommate grew up in Lousiana. He clearly is experienced in call & response.
In this place every day there are three or four people yelling out. Usually they are calling "Help!"
He usually responds to their calls. I can tell it is a combination of his tradition plus his empathy because on some level he knows this isn't church and that they are in pain.
I'm in a reflective phase of my life now. Got what I need and will be patient getting back to 100%.I'll get there.
-30-
In this place every day there are three or four people yelling out. Usually they are calling "Help!"
He usually responds to their calls. I can tell it is a combination of his tradition plus his empathy because on some level he knows this isn't church and that they are in pain.
I'm in a reflective phase of my life now. Got what I need and will be patient getting back to 100%.I'll get there.
-30-
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