Healing Time

Woke up at 4 a.m. Couldn't go back to sleep. Ate my usual breakfast and drank a bunch of coffee, my new addiction.

***

In the hospital, one of my night nurses was short and dark-haired. I thought she was mean at first but later I came to appreciate what she did for me.

I'd been there for weeks. It's called the Bernal-Mission campus. People did everything for me, including feeding me by spoon. When this nurse came in to introduce herself at 11:30, as the night nurses always did, she said "I'm not going to do anything for you that you can't do yourself. So don't ask me for anything."

Her philosophy was to help patients get better on their own. When I told her that I needed to go to the bathroom, she challenged me to do so. I got up and did it.

When I wanted to sit up in bed she told me to go ahead and do it without her help. The night, seemingly unending, proceeded like that. I felt my stomach muscles tighten and I sat up. She adjusted the pillows behind me as a reward.

"I'm only on the night shift but if I were on days I'd treat everyone like I'm treating you. People need to heal themselves."

When in the early morning it was time to order breakfast, I ordered it. (Usually people helped me do that).  Pancakes with syrup. The night nurse had gone and come back several times by then.

"You know, everyone else on this floor has fallen out of bed but you. You're strong"

Suddenly, I knew I would get better and leave that place. As I joked with Aidan and Kelsey when they visited me on Father's Day, "'This place is like the Hotel California. You can check out but you can never leave'."

Before her shift ended at 7:30 a.m. the night nurse came back. I was happy to see her."You know you could ask me for a heated towel. I'd do that for you."

I asked for a heated towel and she brought me one. A few days later, I walked out of that place for good.

-30-

Sweet Dreams

I woke up at 6:30. It's foggy outside but the fog is burning off.

Now it's about 8:30. I've been reliving the past (aka memoir-writing) the past couple of hours. I've had two cups of coffee and an English Muffin with raspberry jam.

I'm still very weak and cannot stand up without bracing myself with my arms. Walking remains an ordeal.

***

When in the hospital I could hardly sleep at night. The night nurses woke me every two hours or so to take my vital signs, give me shots or pills. One night, the nurse was a tall beautiful woman with long blond hair. She said she was from Latvia and spoke with a distinct accent. I believe she said her name was Maria, which may have been a made-up name. She was in her late 30s, I'd say.

She came into my room and leaned against the wall to chat. The night nurses often did this. They knew I'd be awake and that I love company, especially in the dark. Maria told me she's always been restless, moving from place to place, starting with a trip to Moscow when she was very young. She said that while she was happy to have reached San Francisco, now she was here she wanted to leave soon and keep traveling.

She said finding new jobs is easy if you are a nurse.

I glanced over at her and immediately wished I were younger. She was un-self consciously graceful in her manner. I wondered if I was dreaming, as my constant state those nights was sleep-waking. But she remained nearby, leaning against the wall as I lay in discomfort in my bed.

As she told me her story, I found myself imagIning traveling with her.

I told her the only thought I could muster, that I hoped she would one day find happiness -- the most elusive place of all. Her shift ended at 7:30 and I never saw her again.

-30-

Friends

Last night I went to a reception for some folks who are leaving KQED. I saw maybe 25 people -- all of whom I care about. They gave me hugs and wished me well. It's been a great six years there and I treasure the memories.

Will I go back? Ask me in August.

-30-

We Have in Our Midst...

...  a Fascist.

Trump is ruining this country. It is time for people to stand up and speak out.

As a witness (journalist) it is time for me to break my silence. God help us if this monster is re-elected.

-30-

Good Tuesday Stuff

Aidan and Dylan took me to my doctor's visit and afterwards to lunch in the upper Fillmore, the very block where SunDance magazine was headquartered 48 years ago. The venue used to be where Osaka was -- a sushi restaurant.

I had X-rays & blood tests so we'll see but all seems to be well. It was great to see the guys.

It's sunny outside. I'm happy to be home and free.

-30-

This Week's Doings

Hope to have a number of visitors this week. One friend today and some of the kids tomorrow. Go to doctor Wednesday.

Having trouble sleeping. Tired by 8, up by 3. Since I am not working, I guess that's okay.

Working on the memoir daily. It's at 23,400 words and counting...

-30-

Back to Fun Stuff

Aidan and Kelsey and I went to a nice place for lunch & had a blast. It is so great to be back to normal life.

In San Francisco, in the time-honored manner of summertime, the sun is burning off the fog and blue sky is emerging.

My lunch serving was so big it will account for dinner tonight.

It's hard to describe but the little routines of daily life seem to attract me more now. I have this week's dinner meals planned out -- pork strips, onions, bell peppers, mushrooms sautéed over olive oil, with a sauce of cream soup, bone broth, garlic, plus a dash of salsa and basil over rice. It should be good tomorrow night and better on the subsequent nights as it soaks together as leftovers.

-30-