Kids Teaching Kids

Whatever kind of rainy weather was supposed to hit the city today held off enough so that we had a lovely, sunny morning instead. That meant a special skills clinic went ahead as scheduled taught by our 16-year-old soccer player.

His students: 15 girls aged 11-13.

As another soccer dad and I watched him work with the girls, we started talking about a wide range of topics -- public speaking, leadership, how to find balance in life, how kids learn, why sports matter, and the certain way girls of a certain age look up to boys a few years older.

For anyone interested in any of these subjects, today's clinic was the place to be. Of course, there is the pride of a father in watching his son emerge as the kind of young man you've always known him to have the potential to be.

"The only thing I'm worried about," he confided to me beforehand, "is how to get their attention. Could you help me with that?"

Not a problem. He had their full attention from moment one.

Beyond all of the obvious reasons this kind of gender interaction works are the subtleties about how individuals actually learn. A very wise African-American woman friend of mine once wrote a very brave (for its time) article in the newspaper, describing how the people that had helped her develop her skill as a journalist had all been older white men.

She also made the point that part of the reason this was true was that older white men held most of the positions of power in the media companies where she worked and studied.

But she also pointed out that not all of those older white men had been helpful, just some.

This is how society develops; this is how a better future arrives. It is not from those who try to hold back time, hold back change, and suppress hope.

It is those who use whatever small position of influence they might attain to try and do something positive with that power and that influence.

When it comes to kids teaching kids, we are talking about the documented power of peer-to-peer learning. I could write an entire volume on this particular topic, but this is not the time or place to do so.

Let it rest with this thought: All of us sooner or later find ourselves in a position to help makes things better or worse for those who come after us. Even in little ways.

It's a choice you make. And that choice is about character. Whenever we find ourselves in a position of influence, of leadership, the first virtue ought to be modesty.

It is usually a simple circumstance of time and place that we hold a certain title, or are of a certain age or race or gender to hold some degree of power over others. This is as true in personal relationships as in professional life.

There is always a moment when any one of us has a choice to make -- whether to lead by example or to default to the stance taken by the great majority of people since time immemorial, i.e., fail the test.

Failing the test means disappearing, not showing up, hiding, making excuses, slinking away in the shadows, not being there for another when (s)he really needs you.

Think about it. Click on the photo at the top of this post and look at the expressions on those young faces. Times passes so quickly. What would you do? What have you done? What will you do the next time you have an opportunity to make somebody else's life just a little bit better, as opposed to a whole lot worse.

Then look at the boy-coach. He is looking down. Why? Because he is the last to speak in the circle where he asked each player to describe her experience in soccer so far -- how many years, what position, etc.

I'll let the little girl to his immediate left take us out:

"When it came to Aidan and he said 'I've been playing soccer for eleven years, and I am a defender,' I thought, wow, how experienced he really is, but also how he is so modest about it all. He didn't say anything about what a star he is, about being All-City, or any of that stuff."

In the process, his students were learning a much more important lesson than how to play a game.

Which is why they were smiling, and so was I.

-30-

Sweet Things

Halfway down the peninsula I noticed the warning light on my car's dashboard -- it was an indication that engine trouble might be imminent.

I pulled off into some suburban wasteland or another, maybe Millbrae, who can tell one of those places from the other, and then circled back to the city and my mechanic's shop.

That led to the meeting that was supposed to have happened in person taking place in Skype instead. I had almost forgotten about Skype; and hadn't used it in over a year. Up on my screen popped my most recent "chats," from January 2010, as if they had happened yesterday.

It was another disconcerting moment courtesy of modern technology. people used to cradle old love letters or photos when they wanted to revisit the past. Nowadays, it's likely to jump up and bite you when you least expect it.

Whatever. I shook it off.

In the middle of my Skype meeting, the mechanic called with good news -- all that was wrong was a "leaky" gas cap, another defect I never knew a car could have. Only $84.51 when I'd prepared myself for far worse.

Rains, cold, sun, warmth, clouds, clear skies -- who knows what the weather will be around here any more; certainly not the people who predict it. I walked back to the mechanic's without a jacket, and stopped by a Mexican market, where I treated myself to some dulces, certainly a sign of my relief that the car was fixed and I could return to busily rushing here and there.

And also a sign that I felt like doing something nice for myself, not a state I've been in for quite a while.

Yes, my mood is that appropriate for spring, a new season with new possibilities. I'm excited. I'm happy. I'm looking forward.

Let someone else take over custody of the past; I've no time for that now...

-30-

Moment by Moment

If life is little more than a series of moments, surely the moment a young dog-walker rounds Bernal Hill and the city reveals itself off to the north has to be one of the better ones of this particular day.

At a high school meeting tonight, I looked at the teachers and students and administrators with a bit of wonder. They were excited about telling us parents about their studies, enjoying the moment.

Earlier, watching my daughter study for a geography exam, the moment came when she had run out of ways to prepare when she suddenly brightened: "I know, I'll trace the map of China and then put all the place names on it. That way, I'll learn them all better."

My youngest son actually smiled when I picked him up from school. "This is a great day!" he said, a surprising moment after an extended period of laconic teenaged alienation. I wonder if he's met a new girl.

On the bus yesterday, an African-American man, middle-aged, was talking about hat shops and how they are not any good ones in San Francisco, but there are in Detroit. That made me remember my Uncle Ed's hat shop from my childhood in Detroit.

We never did get that snow that was predicted; in fact, we got summer again instead. Everyone was disappointed but we'll get over it.

One moment I am working, the next I am being a parent, the next I am relaxing with a book, the next cooking a meal, the next checking email, the next cleaning up the dishes.

Moment after moment after moment.

And the sum of it all is one man's life.

-30-

Just Another Sunday

The kids and I have a few little family traditions, one of which is watching the Oscars together. Ever since he was little, Dylan has had a particular fascination with films, and now he's 14, he has a fine eye for what it takes to make a good one.

He (and all of us) were rooting for Colin Firth and The King's Speech, and we weren't disappointed, in the end. I'm not someone who stays informed about every in and out of Hollywood; never have been.

But during my own decade or so working there, commuting from up here, I did get a secondary education in film-making. I wrote or co-wrote screenplays and stories and proposals and pitches, and met lots of powerful producers and studio executives.

Had I been more drawn to the realm of film exclusively, as opposed to writing generally, I might have reoriented my career to writing for film. But there were aspects of that work, from a writing perspective, particularly dialogue, that I felt I would not be likely to master, so I eventually let it go to concentrate on other work, like magazine features, books, newspaper editorials, and eventually web-based writing, including blogs.

When I was an active member of the (Screen) Writers Guild of America, I had a vote at the Academy Awards, but that was then, and now is now. For years, I've been only a passive member of the audience, just like everyone else, and probably not the most observant consumer at that.

But I did recognize that Firth's performance in this film, as well as his work in last year's A Single Man, for which he also received a nomination for best actor, as among the best work any actor can do.

This award will stand the test of time.

***

Earlier today, the guy who always is back on defense got to do something special in his futsol game. (Futsol is a type of indoor soccer, a winter sport.) In the second photo above (click on it) he is the player in black crouched the furthest from goal on the far left.

His teammate is about to pass the ball in from the corner. When he did, Aidan got it and took a shot. The game situation was this: His team was behind 2-3 in the second half of a rematch against a team they lost to by one goal in the first game of this season.

It wasn't a grudge match, exactly, but it was payback time. He took a shot from the left side, from pretty far out, but the opposing goalkeeper was able to deflect it back.

The ball came right back to Aidan and this time he curled a line drive into the corner of the net for his first goal of the season. That tied the score and his team went on to win by a goal scored by a teammate with one second left in the game.

***

Homework, homework, homework.

Julia's confidence in her ability to do math problems has reached a point that she rarely needs my help anymore. Tonight, showing iron discipline for a 12-year-old who wanted to be watching the show, she worked and worked until all of her assignments were done.

She got to see the last four awards -- best actress, best director, best actor, best film.

A good ending to a good day.