Saturday, October 08, 2022

Male Culture

 When I turned the key in the ignition Friday morning, along with the sound of the car’s engine came two other sounds — the air conditioner, which I turned off, and the radio, which I turned down but left on.

My grandson as with me and we both listened avidly.

It was the local sports radio channel, with a popular call-in show featuring the usual suspects — hosts who babble on in a half-witted manner punctuated by calls from audience members who often sound like they must have dropped out of school somewhere around the 8th grade.

Normally I avoid this type of thing like the plague, probably because it makes me feel embarrassed to be a man, especially a man who likes sports. Why do so many have to sound so dumb when we discuss this area of great passion to us? 

But I kept listening because the topic was simply too salacious to ignore.

Draymond Green, one of the stars of the local NBA team, the Golden State Warriors, had been caught on video slugging a teammate during practice. The reason for this attack was unknown at the time of the radio program. And Green and the Warriors are not just any basketball team, they are the reigning NBA champions, four times over, arguably one of the greatest pro streaks for any franchise of any time.

Green is the enforcer on the team, the bad guy who gets under his opponents’ skin. He gets lots of technical fouls and occasionally is ejected from games. He is perhaps the most hated player in the NBA, outside of the Bay Area of course. He is also a very talented basketball player and a key to the team’s winning streak.

At the time I’m publishing this, there’s no word yet on how the Warriors are going to handle this situation.

Not as a comment on Green specifically, but in life generally, I’ve always been the type of person who believes in second chances. But I also have learned that once you give certain personalities a second chance, they may require a third, a fourth, and so on. At some point, you realize all you are doing is enabling a repeat offender.

I don’t know if this is one of those situations for Green and the Warriors but it may be. There are certain lines you don’t cross in male culture. This is one of them.

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Friday, October 07, 2022

Dress Rehearsal

There is pretty much of a consensus now that the war in Ukraine has reached a tipping point and that the prospects are not good for Russia or Putin. As an autocrat backed into a corner tends to do, Putin is lashing out with threats, especially of the nuclear variety, perhaps hoping the specter of another Chernobyl will somehow salvage his war effort.

Despite censorship, it is clear the Russian population is now deeply split over the war. Drafts have a way of doing that to nations; Americans recall how the last draft here ended with defeat in Vietnam and domestic chaos as well.

The winner in all this appears to be Zelensky of Ukraine. U.S. officials believe that his regime was behind the recent assassination in Russia — perhaps one indication of what he is capable of doing with his new-found power. Beware the consequences of backing a victor.

Meanwhile, the danger of a more authoritarian future in the U.S. continues to mount, as the majority of Republican candidates for office this election year are election deniers. Those who have vowed to not accept the results of voting they don’t agree with are enemies of democracy, yet many of them are expected to win in November.

This represents a huge risk for the future of our democratic government.

But perhaps the two biggest developments of this decade — the Covid-19 pandemic and the emergence of super storms like Hurricane Ian — are unfortunately merely harbingers of what’s to come.

Scientists understand that Covid was not an isolated event, nor the last pandemic the world will suffer, but rather the first in a new wave of public health crises, perhaps aided and abetted by the great causative factor behind both pandemics and super storms — climate change.

Hurricane Ian is a warning sign that life as we’ve known it in low-lying costal areas is finished. Oh, some will rebuild this time around and then lose everything again in a future storm, when the sea surge will be even greater than it was this time. That’s because sea levels are rising, so the impact on land structures will only get worse over the years to come.

I fear that our children and grandchildren are getting an unfortunate lesson in what’s in store for them with climate change — wave after wave of environmentally destructive weather, from fires to floods to drought to super storms, potentially releasing bacteria and viruses throughout the ecosystem leading to more epidemics and suffering.

I wish the news was better and I’m trying hard to find a silver lining here. Maybe with enough information about the future, the generation now in the early stages of their time on earth will forge a consensus to become better custodians of our common home than we have been.

If there are concrete signs of hope, they include the emergence of young people like Greta Thunberg with the determination to tackle climate change directly, rather in the tentative, one-step-forward, one-step-back approach of older leaders.

And then more generally, there is the art and music and story-telling of those among us who try to tell the truth at any cost. There are the letter-writers, the activists, the rabble-rousers.

And it may sound naive but there’s love. In a world where hate, violence, racism, and authoritarian impulses sometimes seems to rule our fate, there still is the simple impulse to love one another.

That’s our hope.

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Thursday, October 06, 2022

Life Stories

Recently, going through my old boxes of files, I came across a blue folder with 32 pages of a single-spaced typewritten manuscript. The author was my mother.

***

(I first published a version of this piece in 2006.)

Four years ago, my mother was offered the chance to take a class in "life stories," i.e., how to write a memoir or autobiography. She had asked me whether I thought this was a good thing for her to do and my answer was an emphatic "Yes.

Over the next few months she produced a short manuscript that covered most of her life. My three sisters and I knew many of the incidents she wrote about, but we gained new insights into how she experienced them. For instance, she disclosed new details about how she met our father.

A few months later, my mother became seriously ill, and a week later, she died. She was 87.

Partly as a result of that experience, I began teaching memoir-writing, first to my students at Stanford, and more recently to seniors through San Francisco State University's Osher Lifelong Learning Institute.

In theses classes, I’ve learned to recommend that the students should focus at first on the most emotionally loaded moments from their past. I suggest that they just try to write one scene that captures what it was like to live through one of those moments.

Then, the next day, to jump to another emotionally compelling incident and try to write about that. Do this every day for a week.

The moments do not need to connect together, at first. For now, they can be random scenes from a life.

After a week, this exercise should trigger other memories. These may involve more complexities than the first set of memories. The writer may also start dreaming memories, or find they arrive when they're doing something else.

They should pay close attention to these randomly accessed memories, these discoveries of what the brain has been storing away for years or decades.

I’ve developed this methodology after reading many memoirs as well as whatever material I could find about how they were produced.

It turns out that many writers who follow this method end up discarding their initial wave of memories -- the stories they had thought they wanted to tell, in favor of the more complex stories, based on less-resolved material that floods into the vacuum once they've swept the initial layer of memory away.

***

I’ve just reread my mother’s story. On the final page in the very last line, she writes, “I am content.” A few months later, with us by her side, she passed away.

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Wednesday, October 05, 2022

Mirrors

 I first published an earlier version of this essay in 2006.

So, there are always a couple ways to read any article, and far be it for me to simplify that challenge for any readers who may choose to grace my site with a visit tonight or tomorrow. 

Maybe this is about aging. Or maybe about our views of ourselves as compared what others see in us, or don't. Or maybe it is about our emotional age, quite a different issue from our biological age.

Anyway, I notice every morning when I look in my bathroom mirror that, perhaps due to the lighting or the angle or the color scheme in that small room or some other factor that I seem to look pretty good. It's usually, "Dude, you're okay, no wonder a few ladies still find you attractive."

That's nice enough, but later when I return to my bedroom, a much larger room with different lighting, a different mirror and a different color scheme, I seem suddenly to look perfectly awful.

So who is that man and how did he age so rapidly walking from one end of his flat to the other?

Something similar happens at work between the elevator mirror and the one in the men's room. I'm not sure what I am looking for when I look in mirrors, but is most definitively is not to find out I have aged myself out of contention.

My older sister said the wisest thing I’ve ever heard about mirrors: “If you don’t like what you see, stop looking!”

Meanwhile, there is the matter of the human mirrors we provide for each other. You don't have to have studied Jung to be aware that our Western concept of romantic love includes a strong element of falling in love with how another person sees us. What (s)he reflects back to you is intoxicating in a way no drug could ever be. Once somebody sees your inner beauty in a new way, that helps you feel valued and loved, it is like no other experience, and you may be hooked to his/her attention going forward.

”Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the most beautiful of all?” 

Easy answer. It’s the one who thinks you are. That is the essence of love. Turn away from him or her if you choose, but you may not easily find that kind of love again.

Or, maybe that is my mirror image talking. Nothing is simple, let alone the image that surprises us in the mirrors surrounding us. Especially the human mirrors. Each new one sees a new you.

Because we keep looking.

***

Baseball fans appreciated the moment Tuesday evening when Aaron Judge of the New York Yankees hit his 62nd home run of the season, a new American League record. His feat came exactly 61 years after Roger Maris of the Yankees hit 61, breaking Babe Ruth’s record of 60 set in 1927. Ruth did it while he was a Yankee too.

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Tuesday, October 04, 2022

Showing Up

 This post is dedicated to the people down on the coast helping Hurricane Ian survivors. I first published another version of this essay back in 2006. 

Tonight, I am thinking about the people who drop what they are doing to help others who are badly in need of help. The thousands of people who have poured down to the Gulf Coast in the wake of the devastation rendered by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita share something special. They all cared enough to show up. 

One of the leaders of an especially effective grassroots group down there told me in January that was his definition of being qualified to help in a disaster -- "showing up."

These volunteers have various motivations. Some may be religious. Some may have much-needed skills. Some may be running away from life up here, as opposed to running toward embracing life down there. 

None of that really matters. They showed up.

Some may be fragile in ways no one down there could know. They may have come from somewhere else to the scene of disaster to help, discovering in the process something essential about what is going on in their own lives so that they might go forward with a better defined sense of purpose.

These are among the heroes I celebrate tonight.

My article about volunteers — “Everything’s Broken” in Salon helped inspire the founding of Great NonProfits.

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Monday, October 03, 2022

News Traumas

On a lovely Sunday afternoon with friends in an East Bay cafe, for a few hours the news of the world seemed far away. Children and dogs ran about, groups chatted happily the way friends do, waiters carried plates of sandwiches and chicken wings to tables, while the three of us caught up and talked about our future plans.

One of my friends used a phrase — “traumatized by the news” — that I think characterizes the past week for me pretty succinctly.

Hurricane Ian appears to have utterly destroyed a place that I love — Sanibel Island — bringing the abstract notion of climate change home in a deeply personal way. I’ve been writing stories about global environmental decline for nearly 60 years, hoping that might have an impact.

In point of fact, those stories have indeed led to some reforms, policy changes and certainly greater awareness.

But ultimately I am powerless in the face of a super storm.

Friday’s massacre in Kabul, only the latest in a long series at girls’ schools attended by Hazaras, had a similar traumatizing effect on both my Afghan friend and me. In the 43 conversations between us we have published, we have tried to detail the roots of slowly unfolding genocide against the Hazara people conducted by the Taliban.

Is anyone listening? Does anyone care? These are legitimate questions for us to raise.

We can write about these things the best that we can in the hope that the worst outcomes will be avoided. But when these outrageous killings continue to occur in plain view, all that is left is to grieve.

And, of course, to keep trying to write.

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Sunday, October 02, 2022

A World's Neglect

This photo shows a young Afghan boy mourning his sister, her backpack by his side, after she was killed in the horrific attack on an educational center in Kabul on Friday.

Somewhere around three dozens young Afghans, mostly girls and women, died in the suicide blast, which is the latest in a long series of attacks on Hazaras and their schools — in the Taliban era.

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The Hazaras have long been badly discriminated against in Afghanistan, but the violence has escalated since the Taliban came in power in August 2021. As a group, Hazaras value the education of their daughters and sons equally, which enrages the fundamentalist Taliban.

My young Hazara friend and correspondent documented these attacks in yesterdays post, “Tears in the Wind.” It is the 43rd time he and I have combined to publish descriptions of what clearly is a genocidal pattern under Taliban rule largely outside of the view of the international community.

There are few Western reporters in Afghanistan to document what is going on, which is one reason we are doing what we can to shine a light on this tragic situation. We will continue. Whether our reports will ever have any impact, however, is another question.

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