Rainy Saturday

Yay! I could hear the rain and I can see it.

I wish I could hear my youngest child's voice. I've called her three times this weekend. No answers.

The sounds of silence. So deafening.

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Dan Anderson

Word has reached me that my cousin died yesterday.

I can't begin to describe what he meant to me. He was a Vietnam vet. We disagreed about everything.

I loved him.

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Thanksgiving Outing

Aidee picked me up and took me to a friend's house on Bernal, where I saw lots of long-time friends and their kids. Most of the parents are folks we first knew as members of playgroups, etc. The kids are now in their 20s.

I was having a shaky day, literally, maybe because I'd stopped taking my PD medicine.

But back home I recovered at night after taking a pill.

There's no rain but it felt like rain in the night. There is a certain portentous feel to our weather.

***

I've been thinking a lot about the nature of memory. It is so selective and individual. I suppose any one person's memory is as valid as any other's. Of course, as I struggle to resume my memoir, this is on my mind.

Once we get to our 70s, there are decades of memory -- seven to be precise. That amounts to thousands of memories. I'm having a technical issue with processing my memories for now, which should resolve itself soon.

It seems natural, as we àge, that we look back over our lives. That is what I am doing.

I woke up early (4:45) and feel good today. Grateful to be alive. Today is my sister Carole's birthday. She went with me to the hospital in February, the first of this year's visits.

It's odd.  Frankly, everything is odd. That I've gotten so old. That I am retired. That I don't need to be anywhere at any particular time. I do dread when I have to go out. The next thing I am dreading is my neurological appointment December 10th. I do not want to go to that.

Maybe we'll have a big rainstorm and I can delay it again.

What struck me yesterday about watching my sons and their friends is how funny and energetic they all are, After all I was that old guy stuck in a chair in the corner, just observing. I remember old people at holidays in my youth. it is really, really hard when you are young to comprehend what it is like to be old. Of course, Aidan is different -- he gets it.

But they have to deal with climate change! Maybe that's why they are the way they are. There's nothing funny about that so they have to be funny.

I know a thing or two about that.

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The Little Man in the Window

When I was at my sickest, I was convinced there was a little man with evil intent at my hospital bed window. I saw him there for hours and hours. He was in the bottom right corner of the window.

I didn't yet know how to call nurses but they just came all the time to check on me.

I told them about the little man and asked them to make him go away. They all checked and told me there was no little man.

Finally, I could see it was an optical illusion -- a simple play on light. I had been hallucinating.

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Rain Storm

It's raining outside but there are no wind gusts. This is our first rain of the season.

My son Dylan loves the rain. We have been texting about it.

Luckily, I don't have to go anywhere. Just stay inside warm and dry.

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My Personal EMT

Aidan came by to check my BP and heart rate. All is well, he said. He's decided to take paramedic training next.

But I am hurting all over from my falls. My right leg and left hip hurt, plus my shoulders especially.

***

I can't believe this "Trump era." It is so sick!

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Hard Night, Hard Day

I fell twice last night.

I threw up today. Luckily for me my fried Tomoko, a trained nurse, was here to help me with that ordeal.

Now the challenge is eating something.

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