It is a little over a year ago now that my friend and I had a conversation in her car in the parking lot of a church on Pass Road in Biloxi that helped me grasp that I am not the only person for whom feelings course here and fro, like rivers, then trickles, then floods, then dry creeks. Embarrassing though it may be, I had never before realized that everyone experiences these uneven waves of feelings. On the other hand, this is a man who until his late '30s, derided anyone who claimed that feelings even mattered!
What an idiot she realized I was at that moment!
(That's what you get for trusting people. An education.)
It is incomprehensible to me now that for so long I lived in a state of emotional denial, but I did. Plus, looking around me, I see many other men living in a similar manner, and even some women.
Thankfully, we are wired in such a way that most of us endure a mid-life crisis, where we encounter all that is within us that is unfinished business, emotionally speaking, which causes us to strike out into new territory, make mistakes, and become what another friend of mine once called "broken."
"I think people, men at least, are most interesting when they become broken," she said.
The gender distinction is important here, mainly because no matter how many advances we've achieved, males still are the breadwinners and females still are the caregivers.
I'm a fairly independent guy now, with my own settled patterns, but some mornings I wish there was a woman who would check me out before I leave for the day, and tell me if I have a bad shaving nick, or have forgotten to tie down my collar, or grabbed mismatched socks. I hope this does not sound sexist to anyone's ears.
I am equally willing to give my partner feedback on her hair, makeup, skirt -- whatever she is worried about.
Couples do that for one another, and I think it is sweet.
Tonight, I am focusing on the sweetness that is within all of us. I am starting with the feelings of a 10-year-old uncle and an 8-year-old aunt ("ant" by her spelling). Thanks to their oldest sister, always the most imaginative creator of projects I have ever known, they expended a great deal of effort last weekend creating books for their nephew, little James.
Dylan made him the hero of a romantic fighting story. Julia chose a more pragmatic course -- a guide to help him learn his alphabet.
A is for Apple
B is for Ball
C is for Cat
D is for Dog
and so on. You have to click on these (and all of my) photos to view them at a reasonable size.
***
Such is the love for a new child that any other healthy child naturally feels. But, at the same time, we live in a world of unconscionable violence of all sorts. Suicide bombers in Iraq. Rebels eating the few remaining gorillas in The Congo, including parents and children every bit as connected as we could ever be. Also, slaughtering the last of the the Hippos. The rapes and dismembering of innocents at Darfur. The handgun violence on corners throughout East Oakland. The destruction of rainforests on every continent. The overfishing of every ocean.
What is this monster species, homo sapiens?
Is this you and is this me?
The complex interplay between our intellectual and emotional intelligences seems to have engulfed the entire planet in an uproar. How can we possibly justify exterminating other animals?
The web of life is at risk.
For the past 39 years I have been an environmentalist. All of my books and most of my articles concerned the interconnected sets of crises that threaten not only our future viability but that of all the living creatures, animal, plant and microbe, on this planet.
I feel now I must return to that work, that mission. As many know, I am a RPCV (Returned Peace Corp Volunteer). The oath we took to do our work overseas, in the end, involved bringing whatever we learned back here, to our homeland, where we committed to try and make a difference.
That is who I am. And if you are reading this, probably who you are too.
-30-
p.s. Coming soon to this blogging theatre near you. "Oral Sex." (I need more traffic.)
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