Night Fears

A long time ago, far, far away, there was a little boy who used to be me. He had an overactive imagination, and was prone to anxieties. When he overheard a news report that a child had been kidnapped by a stranger (yes, this also happened way back in the 1950s!), he created a recurring nightmare that he was sitting high on a telephone pole, all alone, while mean, violent people below shook the pole back and forth, eager to make him fall into their hands -- for what purpose, he had no way to know.

He always woke up, in a sweat, as he was falling...

Among the most memorable nightmares he later created for himself as a teenager, was the fear of transitioning to a higher grade -- high school, and then college. These anxiety visions were so powerful that he kept having them for decades afterwards. He also acquired a fear of not knowing when or where his classes were, and therefore missing them, and therefore failing them. These "dreams" still visit him today, 40 years after he first arrived at his college campus.

I do not pretend to understand why we dream what we do, or why certain nightmares persist over time. I'm sure they are clues to our subconscious, but beyond that, I believe making too much out of them is pointless.

I was reminded of all of this tonight when my ten-year-old, he of an overly active imagination himself, knocked on my bedroom door at 10 pm to say he had heard scary sounds outside and he just couldn't go to sleep. Do you know what one of the major privileges of being a single parent is? You can tell your son, on a scary night like this, that he can crawl into bed next to you, that you will keep him safe, and that nothing bad can reach him.

As we talked over his fears, it turns out that Dylan was worrying because he had overheard some news reports of murders, etc. I just don't want him to ever imagine that he has to sit up there on a telephone pole as I did as a child, with evil murderers below, rocking the pole for their chance at him.

No one will ever harm my children on my watch. Not even over my dead body.

-30-