Oil, Alcohol, and Norimaki

There have been many gyrations in the oil markets over the decades; for example, I co-authored a story that became a feature film in the 1980s based on the premise that an extreme concentration of "petrodollars" in the Middle East could destabilize the global economy.

The movie was released but the premise never became reality, fortunately. Meanwhile, many a fortune has been acquired from exploiting oil reserves in many parts of the world, including the U.S.

So what exactly is oil?  

It's a fossil fuel that is formed out of the vast quantities of tiny plants and animals like algae and zooplankton when they die and fall to the bottom of the ocean. There, trapped under sand and mud, they transform into oil.

It is strange that the price of oil this week has fallen below zero, but alas, supply and demand are having their way with the substance. It seems that nobody wants the stuff these days, so maybe you should erect a giant tank on your property and acquire some of the excess oil for sale later on, when it once again comes under demand.

Or hope that they'll start paying you to fill your car with gasoline soon.

At the same time, in an unrelated matter, a new study reveals that some 42 percent of U.S. workers sheltering in place are drinking alcohol of the job now. Perhaps that is not such a good idea.

So what is alcohol?

It's that stuff that gets formed when yeast breaks down, or ferments, the sugars in various foods. It's quite good at getting a person who imbibes it drunk. I've often wondered whether a drunken man's sperm weaves in and out on its treacherous route to a woman's Fallopian tubes.

I didn't erect an oil tank or drink on the job this morning, but I did order some norimaki crackers. .

But what exactly is a norimaki cracker? It is a type of bite-sized Japanese cracker made from glutinous rice and flavored with soy sauce. They come in various sizes and shapes and often are wrapped in dried seaweed.

I love to eat these crackers as snacks, and thus ordered a bunch for my grandchildren to try.

***

As the days go by, Americans in various places are violating social distance guidelines and gathering in groups to protest those guidelines. They are carrying signs and waving American flags.

Are we to conclude that in their view it is un-American to shelter in place just because of a silly little virus? Yes, that is what we are to conclude.

***

All of these substances I'm obsessing about today share a common feature: they are dead.  Oil is formed from dead creatures. Alcohol the same. The seaweed in norimaki is certainly by most definitions quite dead.

Yet in their own ways they all serve the living.

If I were a savvy investor, which I am not, I wouldn't invest my precious, swindling resources in oil, alcohol or norimaki crackers. Other have long since cornered those markets.

But I might consider investing in Covid-19. Now there is a commodity that would seem to have a bright future, especially among those who gather in large groups to protest its predations. Like the naval fleet clustered at Pearl Harbor at the dawn on World War II, these groups present our enemy with the perfect target.

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