Small Matters

We've been hearing from our correspondents everywhere about the new cognitive disorder that appears to have mutated from too much Covid-19 news coverage. It is a formerly rare complication known as Dépendance pathologique à Trump.

The symptoms may include an unhealthy fixation with what the current U.S. President is up to and particularly what he is tweeting with his exceptionally small vocabulary. Scientists are researching whether an exceptionally small vocabulary is associated with exceptionally small hands or the excessive use of exclamation points (!!!!!!) or having orange hair, but preliminary findings are based on too (forgive the expression) small a sample size to justify making them public.

Therefore we are making them public.

We're also actively seeking material for our new weekly news program, Saturday Night Dead, which strives to fill the hole left while SNL is off the air for the summer. One of our new features is to spotlight the stories of people who died from anything but Covid-19 this past week.

These include the tragic passing of the President's personal valet, Master Sergeant Bates, affectionally known simply as Master Bates, who apparently died from walking on too many eggshells around his boss. He was found shot to death in the middle of Fifth Avenue.

Police apprehended a suspect but he turned out to be above the law.

In an exclusive interview, First Lady Melania Trump revealed why her husband inspects the White House bunker so often these days but it was exclusive so we can't tell you.

In additional news, Trump's closest associates have taken to answer knocks at their door with the classic greeting, "Is that a subpoena in your pocket or do you like me?"

This just in: Craigslist reports an uptick in personal ads such as "subpoena seeking dompoena" in the popular section known as Missed Connections.

And this update from the show "Fox and Friend" (there's only one left), which is suggesting its nosedive in the ratings is due to the rise of the exceptionally small Radical Left!!!!!!

Here's the latest sports scores: 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, 0-0, and naught-naught.

Our perspective this week comes from Inspector Clouseau in "The Pink Panther 2.0," who said "No, I don't consider myself a beautiful woman."  ("Je ne me considère pas comme une belle femme.")

That pretty much sums everything up.

***

Beyond fake news, in Manhattan, some good news for a change -- Katz's Deli is open for outside dining way downtown. Katz's serve the best pastrami sandwich I've ever eaten. Also, it is large enough to count for breakfast, lunch and dinner. all at once.

In an internal document, the CDC calls the prospect of fully reopening schools and colleges this fall the "highest risk" of spreading Covid-19. Trump wants them open and has threatened to cut off federal funding to schools that don't comply.

Saturday, Trump finally wore a mask to visit wounded veterans in Walter Reed Hospital. This was a first and let's hope not a last.

More than 100 corporations have asked the administration to protect Dreamers under DACA. That's one indication that what is good for business is not necessarily what Trump thinks is best for him personally.

Speaking of the economy, experts fear that all that will be left after the pandemic will be mega-corporations and retail chains. In other words the whole country will become Interstate 10. At least we'll still have Katz's.

The number of states where Covid-19 cases are falling? Three. In 94 percent of U.S. states, the virus is rising, some precipitously.

Still question global warming trends? You might want to open a dialogue with the millions of Americans enduring 100-120 degree heat today. Just bring the ice.

Just another small matter gentle on my mind.

-30-