[Part Six]
March 2020. As I tried to adapt to my new surroundings amid the weirdness of the pandemic, I started having anxiety dreams whenever I went to sleep. Sometimes, for example, I was on a passenger jet that developed serious engine trouble, forcing the pilot to land in a field and all of the rest of us to deplane and stand around while he (the pilot) tried to fix the plane.
In this dream, the pilot and I quickly became friends and my "job" was to keep everyone else calm.
For some reason no help was on the way and we had no means to contact anyone. We were just out there somewhere on our own. It was up to the pilot and me to get us out of there.
Awake, and careful not to wake my little granddaughters asleep in the bunk above, I snuck out to the living room and started sifting through the news.
Whew! No reported plane crashes. It was 3 a.m.
This quickly became a nightly ritual; only the particulars of the dream changed. Sometimes I was in my apartment in the upper west side roaming room to room emptying bottles of poison that kept appearing in Fantasia-like fashion.
Someone was trying really hard to get me to drink that poison.
My overall mental condition had started getting freaky as much as a year earlier but now it was really getting to me. I heard myself making strange comments to the people around me, often in the form of bad jokes with no punchline. Despite all my time in hospitals and nursing facilities, none of those caring for me could explain in terms I understood what was wrong with me.
After many X-rays and cat-scans in 2019, the only thing I was told is that there was something going on "mentally" and I should go see a neurologist. My son Aidan drove me to the appointment and helped me into the examination room.
There, a woman administered the standard cognitive test that Trump would later famously claim he'd "aced." I aced it too, and believe me it would have been a really, really bad sign if I hadn't. Besides, I'd already had the same test several times before my visit to the neurologist.
After the cognition check, the attendant pulled out the grainy picture of my brain and pointed out a dark spot at the back of the organ.
"You know you had a stroke, right?" she said matter-of-factly. "It basically blew a hole in the base of your brain."
Although I appreciate straight talkers, this was a little blunt for my taste. I wished she would have eased me into this news, since no one else had explained me why I had had to go to a neurologist in the first place.
Now I started imagining that maybe everybody around me knew stuff I didn't know. That's truly a paranoid thought, which I'm not normally given to, but even my son didn't seem to be very surprised about the stroke.
While I was still trying to absorb the stroke bit, she added that I probably had "Parkinsonism" -- thus the tremors.
(To be continued.)
***
Back to the present. Even as I relive my two-year odyssey through our health system and the pandemic in the form of essays like the above, normality is returning all around me.
It was so nice to be able to go out to one of our favorite Chinese restaurants, Alice's in Noe Valley, Saturday night. The city is slowly returning to normal; traffic is heavier now, but masks are still on and the infection rate here is microscopic.
Th occasion was Julia's return home after graduating from Goucher College; now I am able to say all six of my kids have college degrees, completing one phase of my parenting role that began 45 years ago next Sunday.
The news:
* Green Finance Goes Mainstream, Lining Up Trillions Behind Global Energy Transition --After years of intermittent excitement and fizzled expectations, environmental-oriented investing is no longer just a niche interest. “We’ve reached the tipping point and beyond,” said one power-company executive. (WSJ)
* A changed Democratic Party continues to influence the Biden presidency (WP)
* Hamas defiant with military parade, appearance of top leader (AP)
* Israel-Hamas ceasefire holds, Egyptian mediators shuttle between the two sides (Reuters)
* Palestinian Anger With Israel Is Undimmed, Even With Battle Paused -- Unrest broke out in Jerusalem and the West Bank again on Friday, and Palestinians across Israel and the occupied territories expressed the need for common cause against injustice. (NYT)
* Gaza struggles with twin health crises of war injuries and feared coronavirus surge (WP)
* After the Cease-Fire, Gaza Wakes to a Sea of Rubble -- In addition to relief, some residents felt a sense of déjà vu, having survived several recent wars with Israel. After each war, it takes years for Gaza to recover. (NYT)
* There is a growing sense Israel cannot come out of this crisis the same country it was when went into it (New Yorker)
* In echo of Arizona, Georgia state judge orders Fulton County to allow local voters to inspect all 147,000 mail ballots cast last fall. (WP)
* The history of black rebellion demonstrates a fundamental reality. Police violence precipitates community violence in a vicious cycle. (NYT)
* Trump is sliding toward online irrelevance. His new blog isn’t helping. (WP)
* Biden says he won’t allow Justice Dept. to seize journalists’ phone, email records (WP)
* America’s rich people could have saved local journalism — and perhaps democracy. They refused. (WP)
* The rivalry between Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos already was intense. Now it’s extending to the moon. (WP)
* Great White Sharks Increasing Off Northern California (SJMN)
* Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic reports reaching space for the third time (WP)
* In Search Of A Better Life, Teen Moves Downstairs (The Onion)
***
"Ballad of a Thin Man"
Bob Dylan
You walk into the room with your pencil in your hand
You see somebody naked and you say, "Who is that man?"
You try so hard but you don't understand
Just what you will say when you get home
Because something is happening here but you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
You see somebody naked and you say, "Who is that man?"
You try so hard but you don't understand
Just what you will say when you get home
Because something is happening here but you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
You raise up your head and you ask, "Is this where it is?"
And somebody points to you and says, "It's his"
And you say, "What's mine?" and somebody else says, "Well, what is?"
And you say, "Oh my God, am I here all alone?"
But something is happening and you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
And somebody points to you and says, "It's his"
And you say, "What's mine?" and somebody else says, "Well, what is?"
And you say, "Oh my God, am I here all alone?"
But something is happening and you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
You hand in your ticket and you go watch the geek
Who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak
And says, "How does it feel to be such a freak?"
And you say, "Impossible!" as he hands you a bone
And something is happening here but you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
Who immediately walks up to you when he hears you speak
And says, "How does it feel to be such a freak?"
And you say, "Impossible!" as he hands you a bone
And something is happening here but you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
You have many contacts among the lumberjacks
To get you facts when someone attacks your imagination
But nobody has any respect, anyway they already expect you to all give a check
To tax-deductible charity organizations
To get you facts when someone attacks your imagination
But nobody has any respect, anyway they already expect you to all give a check
To tax-deductible charity organizations
Ah, you've been with the professors and they've all liked your looks
With great lawyers you have discussed lepers and crooks
You've been through all of F. Scott Fitzgerald's books
You're very well-read, it's well-known
But something is happening here and you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
With great lawyers you have discussed lepers and crooks
You've been through all of F. Scott Fitzgerald's books
You're very well-read, it's well-known
But something is happening here and you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
Well, the sword swallower, he comes up to you and then he kneels
He crosses himself and then he clicks his high heels
And without further notice, he asks you how it feels
And he says, "Here is your throat back, thanks for the loan"
And you know something is happening but you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
He crosses himself and then he clicks his high heels
And without further notice, he asks you how it feels
And he says, "Here is your throat back, thanks for the loan"
And you know something is happening but you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
Now, you see this one-eyed midget shouting the word "Now"
And you say, "For what reason?" and he says, "How"
And you say, "What does this mean?" and he screams back, "You're a cow!
Give me some milk or else go home"
And you know something's happening but you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
And you say, "For what reason?" and he says, "How"
And you say, "What does this mean?" and he screams back, "You're a cow!
Give me some milk or else go home"
And you know something's happening but you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
Well, you walk into the room like a camel, and then you frown
You put your eyes in your pocket and your nose on the ground
There ought to be a law against you comin' around
You should be made to wear earphones
'Cause something is happening and you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
You put your eyes in your pocket and your nose on the ground
There ought to be a law against you comin' around
You should be made to wear earphones
'Cause something is happening and you don't know what it is
Do you, Mr. Jones?
-30-
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