“I guess when you’re young you just believe there will be many people you’ll connect with. Later in life you realize it only happens a few times. — Celine (Before Sunset)
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My first girlfriend was named Susie. And although we were both rather shy, she was less so.
For example, when a teacher said, "Raise your hand if you know the answer," I would never raise my hand, though I almost always knew the answer.
So Susie would volunteer me: "Davy knows. Call on him."
At nap time she would lay her blanket next to mine and we would face each other and whisper.
One of the reasons I was so quiet in class was that I knew I mispronounced the letter "r". It sounded funny, more like a "w". So when I tried to say "right" it came out as "wight," and this was deeply embarrassing to me.
The school assigned me to a speech therapist who taught me to make growling sounds until I could more or less grunt out "r"s in an approximation of the correct sound.
As we progressed through first and second grades, I did start talking in class more, thanks to the speech lady and my best friend, to the point that now I got in trouble with the teacher at times, who said, "David stop flirting with Susie."
That's when I first figured out what flirting was.
We had a lot of adventures together but the only time I remember my mother getting really mad at us was once in the basement when we were playing "doctor." My Mom surprised us by coming down the stairs and I ran to hide in a closet, leaving Susie out there alone and literally exposed.
"It was all Susie's idea," I blurted out.
I think that was one of the worst things I ever did as a child, abandoning my best friend in a crisis and blaming her for something that we had totally cooked up together.
A few years later, when I was ten, our family moved away from the neighborhood. But by then, I wasn't having much to do with Susie or any girls anymore.
The anti-girl phase didn't last very long, however; it went on for like four years. Then I started noticing girls in a new way. That's when I figured out what a "crush" was, because when I got one on somebody I couldn't breathe in her presence, let alone speak.
For the most part, the pattern for my life was set. I would always fall for the quiet girls, the smart ones, the ones who didn't really seem to know how pretty they were.
And though they tended to be reticent about most things, they always seemed to know how to draw me out of my shell, the eternal trap I otherwise would retreat into.
As it turned out, the world has very limited tolerance for extreme shyness. I was coerced out of my self-isolation by circumstances. When every reporter from every press outlet who could get there surrounded the Rolling Stone office after we broke our Patty Hearst story in 1975, I had to learn under fire how to speak in public. (I wish I had a tape of that press conference.)
Starting then, at the age of 28, it was no longer possible for me to be shy; I had to be the opposite of shy. So I forced myself to become a public speaker, ultimately a really good one. I gave speeches all over the world, testified before Congress, the UN, parliamentary committees in Canada and Australia, lecture halls at Harvard, Yale, and colleges in Italy, Spain and Britain, conferences in Europe, Asia and Central America, and more venues that I can possibly remember now.
On some occasions I got standing ovations from hundreds of people, including once after a particularly emotional performance before 1,000 RPCVs (Returned Peace Corps Volunteers) in Eugene, Oregon.
For some 35 years I gave speeches pretty much whenever I was asked, including hundreds of lectures at UC Berkeley, Stanford and SF State. But always there was someone at home urging me on.
I doubt anyone ever thought of me as shy.
But somewhere along the way my life broke apart and I started to withdraw again, refusing all invitations to give lectures, attend conferences or do much that required going out in public. I didn't become a total recluse; I did take a job, but around the office I was known as one of the quieter persons in the room until I retired in 2019.
Then in early 2020 I was told I'd won a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Society of Professional Journalists. The citation stated, in part: "Weir is not a boisterous advocate, but rather a soft-spoken editor who leads by example."
The award was a distinct professional honor, of course, and I knew I should appear in public and give a speech to accept it. But by then that was a very uncomfortable prospect. I hadn't given a speech in years.
I started trying to compose some thoughts, but I couldn't think of anything meaningful to say. Yes I was proud of my life's work as a journalist, teacher and writer, but I never felt that that was about me, it was about "us" -- the teams I worked with.
As the date for the acceptance speech approached, my family and former colleagues got excited. Since this was also the time I was recovering from some life-threatening health problems, I guess they saw it as an occasion to get me out of the house and they wanted to be on-hand to support me.
The problem was we couldn't really afford enough tickets for everyone, but then my former employer, KQED, offered to pay for an entire table for my family, with another table for friends who worked inside that company.
I kept trying to write the speech but everything was falling flat. Finally I decided that I really could not do this; I was still too ill and someone would have to help me up the stairs to the podium, which would be embarrassing. I didn't want anyone's pity.
So I asked my youngest daughter if she would read my speech for me, but she said no, she wasn't comfortable doing that. Then I asked my oldest daughter, who said "Let's wait and see how you feel on that night, Dad. You can decide then."
All six of my children said they would attend the ceremony, which was a surprise, since I'd always kept my professional life pretty much compartmentalized from them. Some of them would bring partners to the event so our family table was almost full.
There was one empty seat left -- for my date. But I had lived alone for so many years that there was nobody to ask to go with me.
In the end that really didn't matter because the award ceremony was cancelled due to Covid.
Which is why this story doesn't have an ending.
***
THE HEADLINES:
* First Resistance to Taliban Rule Tests Afghanistan’s Uncertain Future -- While the militants appear firmly in control, some prominent figures vowed to continue resistance as protests erupted in two cities and millions of Afghans parsed clues about the Taliban’s intentions. (NYT)
* U.S. fighter jets flying over Kabul to ensure evacuation security-Pentagon (Reuters)
* Taliban shifts focus to governing, but protests, empty coffers and isolation pose challenges (WP)
* Planes, guns, night-vision goggles: The Taliban's new U.S.-made war chest (Reuters)
* In California, where many Afghans resettled after the American invasion, those who worked with the United States fear for relatives left behind. (California Today)
* Biden Ramps Up Virus Strategy for Nursing Homes and Schools, and Urges Booster Shots (NYT)
* White House Outlines Plan for Coronavirus Booster Shots -- Vivek Murthy, the U.S. surgeon general, said on Wednesday that the White House coronavirus response team planned to begin offering booster shots of the Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna vaccines in September, pending F.D.A. approval. (AP)
* Colleges Grapple With Costs for Covid-19 Tests, Unvaccinated Students (WSJ)
* Israel, Once the Model for Beating Covid, Faces New Surge of Infections -- One of the most vaccinated societies, Israel now has one of the highest infection rates in the world, raising questions about the vaccine’s efficacy. (NYT)
* The president said he directed the education secretary to support local school districts and administrations wanting to implement mask mandates and other public safety measures in the classroom. “Like I’ve said before, if you’re not going to fight COVID-19, at least get out of the way,” Biden said. [HuffPost]
* Pandemic has never been worse in Mississippi, top doctor says as 20,000 students are quarantined (WP)
* Vaccine Effectiveness Against Infection May Wane, C.D.C. Studies Find (NYT)
* How wildfires have clouded summer for American kids (WP)
* Fires harming California’s efforts to curb climate change (AP)
* An incendiary mix of strong, shifting winds and drought-parched vegetation stoked two of California's largest wildfires on Wednesday, with thousands of residents chased from their foothill and mountain homes in the Sierra Nevada range. (Reuters)
* ‘Unprecedented fire behavior’ in Northern California (SF Chronicle)
* Dozens of homes burn as California wildfire siege continues (AP)
* ‘Active bomb threat’ near U.S. Capitol; Cannon, Madison and Jefferson office buildings evacuated (WP)
* U.S. weekly jobless claims hit 17-month low; unemployment rolls shrink (Reuters)
* San Francisco’s district attorney, Chesa Boudin, is suing three companies for selling parts and accessories to assemble “ghosts guns,” untraceable firearms that can be made from do-it-yourself kits. (California Today)
* Amazon plans to open large physical retail stores in U.S. (WSJ)
* The School Culture Wars: ‘You Have Brought Division to Us’ -- From mask mandates to critical race theory and gender identity, educators are besieged. (NYT)
* Biden’s approval rating is slipping fast. Democrats should be nervous. (WP)
* The Biden administration will ban the use of chlorpyrifos on all food crops, citing potential risks to human health. The common insecticide has been applied to a variety of crops since the 1960s, including broccoli and cranberries, and has been linked to learning disabilities in children. The Trump administration allowed the chemical to remain in use. [HuffPost]
* FTC refiles antitrust case against Facebook, argues no social network comes close to its scale (WP)
* Hong Kong Police Arrest Students Over ‘Advocating Terrorism’ -- Four student union leaders at the University of Hong Kong were arrested on Wednesday after they had held a moment of silence for a man who stabbed a police officer and then killed himself. (AP)
* Disappointed Taliban Realizes Taking Over Afghanistan More Fun Than Running It (The Onion)
***
"Same Mistakes"
The Echo Friendly
Songwriters: Jake Rabinbach / Shannon Esper
I make the same mistakes
Feels like I never learn
Always give away too much
For little in return
I'm still not over it
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...
Feels like I never will
My friends are all adults
I'm still a teenage girl
I'm still not over it
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...
They think I'm such a flake
They want to go to bed
I want to stay up late
Walking the streets alone
Thinking of you till dawn
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...
Feels like I never will (Feels like I never learn)
My friends are all adults (Always give way too much)
I'm still a teenage girl (For little in return)
I haven't changed a bit (I haven't changed a bit)
I'm still not over it (I'm still not over it)
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...
Feels like I never learn (They think I'm such a flake)
Always give way too much (They want to go to bed)
For little in return (I want to stay up late)
I haven't change a bit (Walking the streets alone)
I'm still not over it (Thinking of you...)
I make the same mistakes
I make the same mistakes
I...
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