(I first published a version of this this column on my blog in May 2006.)
I'm not sure what the definition of friendship should be in this era of constant change and confusion in America. There seems to be a certain churn of people in our lives; they come and go, people break up and move away, change jobs, disappear, stop calling.
You leave a job or you move. In the process you may lose your friends. It takes time to make new ones. The relentless economic pressures most people face keep us feeling like we are running on a treadmill, from which there may be no escape. The faster we run, we see that we are only further behind where we think we need to be.
Loneliness and alienation are the chronic diseases of modern urban American life. Most of us have enough resources to stay within the walls of our private spaces, listen to our own music, imbibe our chosen poisons, and isolate from our neighbors and the most of the strangers living nearby. Our families are often widely dispersed, barely available to us much of the time.
Into this odd lifestyle, and it is odd, given human history, comes the modern concept of friendship.
If friendship means anything, it has to be based on trust. That probably has always been true, reaching way back to our origins. You have to feel safe to be friends. Most of us work hard to earn the trust of those we want to be friends with. We try not to hurt them or do anything to betray their trust. When we make mistakes, we try to repair the damage.
But what is friendship now? It used to mean that at your very lowest moments in this life, when you really need someone to turn to, you could call that one special friend. Now I am not sure.
I miss the old days.
***
Sad news. The Double Play burned down yesterday. The Mission District bar was a fixture for baseball fans from decades ago when the Giants first moved to San Francisco. Its walls contained a replica of the old Seals Stadium from across the street.
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