Whenever I republish an old essay, often from many years ago, I hesitate before adding a note disclosing that fact. The reason is that in the great majority of cases, I’ve altered the original so much that it barely resembles the former version.
In fact what I am doing is iterating, much like in a software cycle.
All writing, in my view, is experimental.
What follows now is a radically different version of something I first attempted in 2007.
***
It always happens without warning. My eyes start smarting as if I am seeing everything around me in a new light. Walking through the city, there are suddenly details that previously remained hidden.
The expression on that nun's face, the shine of that apple, the dead rat in the gutter, the way the light reflects off a pair of boots. The movement of that person's body in a pair of jeans walking in front of me, the flapping of those two pigeons taking a bath in the street, the lonely glance of an old man glimpsed fleetingly in the window of a passing taxi, the odd, quizzical stare of a baby who somehow seems to sense I am in a different state, subtly altered from who I was yesterday.
These can be dangerous moments. Many a man or woman has walked away from a marriage in this kind of state. Many others have quit their jobs, or somehow maneuvered themselves into getting fired. Maybe I am one of those people.
A rational observer would say that it is a self-destructive moment and that not everyone is able to handle it. Better to just try and let it pass.
But another option is to not just self-destruct or let it pass. Life may be out of your control. If so, you may choose to hold on to the moment, breathe through it, start exploring one form of artistic expression or another, and a new you may emerge. You may accomplish things you never, ever imagined. Don't be afraid.
Perhaps the time for your art has arrived.
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