Today, I started wondering, for maybe the thousandth time, about the effect of birth order on how children develop. Since I have gotten to go through this movie twice, each time with samples of three, I've begun to form a few ideas of my own. Nothing you read from hereonout is in any way scientific or backed up by any scientific evidence that I am aware of.
But I suspect what I am about to express is more than coincidental.
In both of my three-children clusters, several patterns have become clear. The oldest child feels a responsibility to be bossy, particularly toward the youngest of the set, which, in our case, happens to be the odd gender out.
(With my first family, the birth order was two girls, then a boy. In my second family, it was two boys, then a girl.)
My oldest son benefited from the influence of his older sisters in many ways, including how to develop solid study habits. He excelled as a result of their training and became Valedictorian of his high school class. My oldest daughter is driven to achieve, aware of the enormity of life's challenges, and capable of some of the most brilliant writing I have read from her generation. Her little sister, but still my first son's big sister, is an incredible synthesizer, an accomplished writer, a math genius, and the social glue for the family.
In the second group, my #2 son, and #1 oldest kid this time around is bossy, brilliant, empathic, athletic, sweet and capable of bossiness that would make his oldest sister seem like the good witch of the west. Why do boys have to act so mean?
Me? Back in the 50's, I was a very mean big brother, to my enduring shame. But as I watch my 13-year-old son, I have the eerie sense that all of this behavior is rooted in our genes. It's as if we are programmed to try and help our younger siblings survive, even if it means acting like a royal asshole. My little big boy teaches his younger brother basketball in way that somehow confirms both their roles.
Meanwhile, the little guy, whether he gets into any JV basketball games or not, is embarking on yet another Medieval history book. When it comes to college, his time will arrive, but he will never, ever, stop loving what his big brother has done for him.
Meanwhile, my youngest child, my third daughter, sometimes feels lonely. The boys are not always friendly to her, nor do they often share her interests. Therefore, as her parent, my job is complex. If any reader has guidance or suggestions, they will gratefully be received. I keep wanting to tell her that the best is saved till last.
-30-
No comments:
Post a Comment