Late yesterday, I found myself once again engaged in what apparently must be one of my favorite activities -- hanging on the phone with representatives of health insurance companies (or rather their computerized answering systems) -- because I have been doing it so often ever since I lost my job eight months ago.
This had to have been at least my 50th time trying to get answers from these good folks, who I'm sure joined the health insurance industry to help others in need, like me, for example.
So, if you had to guess, why do you imagine I was devoting yet another two hours of my presumably valuable time to navigating through one of these automated menus over and over: "For providers, click or say 'one.' For billing information, click or say 'two.' For claim forms, click or say 'three.' For website access, click or say 'four?'"
Stay with me and I will answer.
Somewhere, about fifteen minutes and twenty options later, I thought I heard the right option, "If there still is one of you stupid bastards on the line who expect us to actually explain to you why you do not yet have dental coverage even though under the law you qualify but after you lost your job we did not mail you the Cobra form which you needed to have signed during a certain time window because we do not automatically do that unless your employer requests us to do it and it is probably the case that your particular former employer did not request it all we can say, dear sir or ma'am, you are royally fucked."
Not completely satisfied with this option, and apparently having nothing better to do (after all, I'm an unemployed slacker, right?), I did what I always have done, as an investigative reporter.
I called back.
And back. And back.
I learned to navigate the auto-steps to the point I actually landed a human being. When this happened, something amazing also happened. "We know that you and your company have submitted us the second set of forms at least ten times, but we cannot locate the first set of forms anywhere in our system. You have become a sort of test case in our company as we try to figure out, legally, whether you should even have to file the first form since the second form contains all the same, pertinent information."
I thanked this very decent person, who I am quite sure entered the health insurance industry to help people like me.
But, unfortunately, as I write these words, neither he nor any other representative of his company has been able to locate a blank Cobra application form to send to me, so I remain uninsured in this particular area, which is dental.
Oh yeah, I forgot to say why I engaged in this ridiculous waste of my precious time left on earth: I thought I had a dental emergency. It's quite natural. After eight months not knowing whether we are insured, the kids and I have not had any dental exams. It's been part of our frugal, cost-reduction strategy to get through this thing, this recession.
But by yesterday, my mouth was hurting so bad that I was convinced I had a cavity, so I made an appointment with my dentist, and then I decided to call my supposed insurer, once more, hoping for a miracle, i.e., the news that I am indeed covered, as would seem to have to be the case under the law.
The great news is that there was no cavity, after all. What there was instead was "referred pain," caused by grinding, in turn caused by worrying about things like not having dental insurance.
That is the end of this story, for now. But I assure you that I am not done with fighting the company involved.
p.s. Does anyone know a good lawyer willing to take on these insurance industry bastards? The market for my time as a consultant runs around $150-$175/hour, and has since the late '90s, and I figure I've spent 100 hours trying to simply gain what is lawfully mine. I'd like to be reimbursed. More importantly, most people in my position are not investigative reporters. They probably give up easier. I'd like someone to make these creeps pay so others do not suffer as my family has...
3 comments:
Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, United States Postal Service, Amtrak, Freddy, Fanny, and myriad of social welfare programs continue to demonstrate the utter futility of looking to a centralized government program to improve the cost and delivery of health care.
Archaic, often draconian federal and state laws which limit competition between the many private health insurers have so far done much to increase the cost of health insurance; it is the heavy foot of government once again trampling on the core of our economic system which prescribes certain failure.
Yet we would entertain more government control as a solution... pure folly.
With all due respect, Dan, you are full of it. About 50 million retired and disabled Americans receive Social Security benefits. The average monthly benefit for retirees is $1,153 this year. They paid into the system all of their working lives, and now they have a safety net. People like you who deride social security and medicare apparently want old people to die alone, in poverty, abandoned and forgotten. I cannot imagine a crueler, less humanistic world than the one you and the likes of you prefer. Shame on you.
What a tired and juvenile approach to debating Social Security's inevitable failure. If there is shame in this discussion, it would be the shame it is that you can do no better to explain how Social Security will eventually be a "success". Little better than a pyramid scheme, it must ultimately fail under its own weight of debt. Think Bernie Madoff multiplied by many factors of ten.
With baby boomers like you and I adding to the rolls in record numbers, we are now facing the long predicted specter of payouts out pacing revenue with no end in sight. Social Security's failure is certain; only the timing is in doubt now.
I see no argument by you as to the other major government failures listed. Am I to believe that you will stipulate to those programs as failures or do I accept your same gambit that I am shameless for pointing to them?
We must thank the current administration and the leadership (?) in congress for illuminating the folly of “progressive” thinking which now threatens the very core of American values. Americans are awakening ever more quickly and reacting ever more vigorously to the destruction of liberty.
I tried to tell you last year that I thought Barak Obama was an “empty suit” fronting for some really bad folks who are bent on seizing power and wealth, even at the destruction of the country. The question, “who is Barak Obama?” was largely unanswered last year. The question emerging now is, “who's in charge?” as the disconnect between the president's public statements and his administration's actions is becoming more stark.
We live in exciting times. “Lefties” (your own term) are excited at the prospect of moving forward with an elitist, even socialist agenda. Americans are excited by the fear that their fundamental liberties are under assault. How this drama plays out will be the excitement of this generation.
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