The kids were nervous yesterday. It's the start of spring soccer season, and the beginning of track season. Young athletes get jumpy ahead of the time to compete; as the games begin they instantly calm and become focused.
It's always inspiring for me to see.
Witness.
Much of parenting is bearing witness. I was talking during the long, slow waiting period at the track meet to another parent about how confusing the teenage years are; how opaque high school culture remains to us, the parents; how much we still want and need to do the right things as parents but we are no longer sure what those are, exactly.
Maybe it's time to let go.?
Maybe it's time to hold on?
Maybe it's just to be there.
The phone call I'd been dreading for 24 hours came just as the night soccer match got underway. "We're sorry but..."
More financial bad news. More stress. More worries about a future already wracked by uncertainty.
For now, I was powerless to do anything about it. Maybe, as it happens, I will be powerless altogether. I took a short, lonely walk to the other side of the field, where the shadows were spreading from the sun setting to the west.
I returned to the sideline to watch my son play. At one point, with his goalie down, the other team's kick was heading directly into his team's net when he streaked out of nowhere to intercept the sphere and redirect it far out of bounds.
I heard myself break out into a loud, hoarse cheer; then I felt tears on my cheeks.
Afterward, I told him my news, which he somehow, on some level, already seemed to know. As I dropped him at his mother's, he took me aside, gave me a hug, and said, "Thanks for coming to my game, Dad. Thanks for coming to all my games."
1 comment:
Through all the uncertainities- it is good to know you can be certain of your children and their love for you- also- they appreciate how you have been 'there' for them- even in times when you are not sure you are able to be 'there' for yourself.
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