Saturday, August 20, 2011

America: Bad English and Bad Policy


I fear I'm doing a really bad job, now, at blogging.

In order to do this (or any kind of writing) well, it should be a daily habit, as I've always told my students.

But I've allowed myself to grow distracted and not given this space the attention it deserves.

Consider the DMV. For those not in California or some other location that uses the same idiotic abbreviation, this would be the Department of Motor Vehicles.

I've been hanging out there a lot lately, as I try to help my 16-year-old get his "learner's permit."

In case you've not been lately, it's not a lot of fun at the DMV. Even my son, who's normally forgiving and rather sweet about people and their frail points, has begun to rail against bureaucrats.

He also, like me, has a serious problem with taking multiple-choice tests.

***

When I was young, most of the feedback I got from teachers and peers and from the others in our community who shape our early perceptions of who we are was that I was smart.

I had no independent concept of what "smart" meant.

I was just me. Where I lived, "smart" was not a good thing, actually, but the kind of quality that easily got you beat up.

My Dad, probably sensing all of this and more, taught me how to defend myself, should attacks be forthcoming, and I think I learned his lessons well.

***

As my son was told he had failed his first attempt at passing the DMV written test, he shrugged his shoulders, turned, looked at me with that knowing gaze, and we left the building.

Nonsensically, I know, the sound track playing through my head as we left was "Elvis has left the building."

Because, compared to that ridiculous test, those helpless bureaucrats who administer it, and most of all those terrible writers who actually wordsmith such documents, he is a rock star.

The questions he "missed" were the same ones I would miss -- questions so poorly worded, so ambiguous, incomplete and misleading that no true 16-year-old could guess at what the right answer might be.

Allow me to give you an example. I have his test results right here.

Consider Question 26:

Which of these statements is true about child passengers?


1. Children one or older and over 20 pounds should ride in the front seat.
2. Children under age of one should not ride in the front seat in air bag-equipped vehicles.
3. The front seat is generally safest for children six years of age and older.


The correct answer, of course, is (2). But consider the brain development of a 16-year-old, particularly one who has a lot of experience with little nephews in the age range of one to six.

Naturally, the manipulation of answer (2) eluded him, because he was seeking the least-worst answer, and easily chose a six-year-old to be in the front seat over anything mentioning a one-year-old.

His question to me, when he saw he had answered it wrong, tells it all: "Why did they ask about a one-year-old and air bags? Shouldn't a kid be, like 12, before they sit there, Dad?"

He's right, and the question-maker is wrong.

Case closed, but that also raises the issue of whether we should even be expecting kids his age to learn how to drive in our modern society.

Maybe the whole problem is that as a society have not bothered to develop a decent public transportation system. Like other parts of adulthood, voting and drinking, maybe the legal driving age should be raised too.

If I'm not mistaken, it was set at 16 at a time when we were largely a rural people. Even then, in my youth, it extracted a terrible toll to have teens behind the wheel.

Now? If the only way we can keep them from obtaining their permits is via bad writing, trick questions, and the like, maybe we need to find a better route to the destination we all,collectively, ought to be seeking.


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