Weekend Breathing

During the workweek I can hardly slow down long enough to think about what I might like to write, let alone write it. But the weekends open up those moments again. Today started early, driving my 17-year-old to Mission High, where he is taking the SAT one last time.

Then back home to cook breakfast for my 19-year-old before he headed off to work.

Soon my 14-year-old and I will head out on some errands -- the cellphone store to get her phone repaired or replaced; to a sports store to get her a new water bottle, and to Bernal where she's meeting up with a friend.

At some point this afternoon I will probably settle in to watch a football game, then a baseball game. I'll probably spend tonight alone, as is the case almost every Saturday night.

When in relationships, Saturdays were nights we'd eat out or go to a movie or both.

That seems a lifetime ago. There's no one to do things like that with any longer.

Yesterday I taped a short video message for my friend who is battling against cancer. I've been feeling the loss of him being well enough to do things for months now. He was the kind of friend who would just pop up and say, "Let's go to dinner! I'll pick you up."

And we'd go.

I find myself so passive on the social front that I never really reach out to friends on my own. That is one of the many things I always relied on my partner for help in doing.

It's too bad because I like a lot of people and i know they like me. We always have fun whenever we do get together.

My job is very social. I talk to probably 20-30 people a day and the conversations are not all about work. I can count a bunch of my colleagues as friends, and a bunch of others as new friends.

Working really provides the glue to a life in America, along with family. But friendship is the social network that can matter the most at times. Looking back on my life I'd characterize myself much better at making friends than maintaining friendships.

Maybe I just need more privacy than others, maybe I'm too shy by nature, maybe some other psychological issues are involved.

Writing is my main way of connecting in any event, so I do that. I continue to do that no matter what else is happening or not happening.

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