Friendships and Hope

It doesn't really matter how it starts. Sometimes, you meet somebody and you just know. You're going to be friends.

Other times it's a surprise. That person you fought with over a parking place? That work colleague who initially seemed like a jerk? First impressions are just that -- first -- not last, not lasting.

Friends come in all shapes and sizes, colors, ages, religions, orientations. There isn't much predictable about friendship as long as you let it continue to happen all of your life.

The most dangerous moment in life is when you think you don't have a friend. When you feel utterly alone. But there *is* a friend out there, often hiding in plain sight. Maybe it's just your turn to make a move.

Of course, you can't start thinking about your friends without remembering the ones you've lost. Once somebody you love passes away, you lose them in the material world, but not in your dreams. Everybody know what I am saying here.

Sometimes talking about seeing your lost loved ones in your dreams with someone enriches and deepens that friendship. Most of us can empathize; we are ready to listen to your story.

One old friend visited me some months back after his mother had died. I found myself describing to him how it felt to be first with my father, then with my mother, as they died. It was very emotional for me; I don't normally discuss these matters. But it came out that day.

I was just trying to be his friend.

This all came to me in a rush yesterday as the U.S. lost its 100,000th friend to Covid-19.

It should surprise none of us that the compressed anger over the killing of George Floyd in Minnesota is igniting protests and outrage across the country. Covid-19 disproportionately affects black people and other minorities and the poor generally.

We've lived with social inequities all of our lives. Decade after decade we see hopeful signs of progress only to be reminded that much work remains.

Ahmaud Arbery in Georgia and George Floyd in Minnesota. One murder by racist citizens, one by the police.

Do you remain silent or do you say something at times like these?

So many of our artists and actors and singers have tried to intervene, tried to speak out. But their voices get muffled by a cynicism so deep in this culture that sincerity comes with a price tag. "If they are that rich and famous, what do they know about suffering?"

"Everybody hurts sometime," sang R.E.M. It is a song reaching out to you when you feel alone. Money or fame are small comforts in those moments. Everybody hurts.

Last night, I stayed up late watching various celebrity interviews on YouTube, trying to figure these questions out.

Why, when an actor says she or he is a feminist, is the adjective "outspoken" always attached to that label? In one interview the actor Jennifer Lawrence was asked about that issue. She indicated that she was comfortable calling herself a feminist even if that meant she would lose friends.

Of course she didn't mean her real friends, she meant fans, and, as she acknowledged, "box office sales."

I thought that was a brave moment for this young celebrity. After a string of box office successes she is at the top of her game and she'll probably stay there for a while. Meanwhile, she also has emerged as a spokesperson for advocating equal pay for equal work.

As she ages, maybe she'll be one of the ones who survive the transition to older roles with the tenacious grace of a Meryl Streep, one of my favorite actors. Maybe she will continue also to fight for equality.

Almost all artists, you can sense, would prefer to speak out  through their art, which by its nature is not as explicit as the politicized words that reverberate through social media in destructive ways.

But we have problems and they include racism and discrimination against women. They are not necessarily getting worse; they may in fact be getting objectively better. What our children and grandchildren need is reinforcement that speaking out is okay, working to raise awareness is a wonderful use of their time.

People *are* listening.

I've written before about Greta Thunberg. What a powerful voice she has!

One quality all of us need to cling to in difficult times is hope. I believe in hope. And listening to courageous voices like those of Lawrence and Thunberg gives me hope.

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