When Reagan was President, there seemed to be some sort of a crackdown by the IRS on progressive activists and journalists at least around here. Yours truly was audited three consecutive years and I'll never forget my shock on the first day I went to the local IRS waiting room.
Looking around, I knew so many of the others waiting to meet their auditor!
Hardly any of us could afford a lawyer or accountant to represent us, and everyone looked a bit scared. I know I was.
This all seemed strange at the time because none of us earned much money, relatively, but then again Reagan regularly denounced anyone who didn't share his conservative vision. As I waited at the IRS office, I imagined my auditor would be a monster, something like George Harrison's "Taxman."
But my particular auditor turned out to be a winsome young woman fresh out of college with a lovely smile and a sincere desire to satisfy my apparently insatiable desire to learn the ins and outs of her auditing process.
Over the course of my first audit, which lasted for many weeks, she gradually taught me how to comply with the arcane rules I had allegedly violated while trying to juggle a full-time job, two part-time gigs and some random income as a freelance writer.
One of my main problems was that I couldn't convince her that my workspace was a legitimate "home office," because it was also used as the kitchen, dining room, and playroom by my three young children.
Also, I had not kept a written record of my many lunches and business meetings or of my frequent travel as I multitasked work assignments. The agency clearly had not yet figured out how to handle a multitasker, as the word had originated too recently (1966) and was not yet commonly applied to human beings for its systems to process.
In the end, my attractive auditor ruled that I owed Uncle Sam several hundreds in additional taxes and penalties -- enough so it automatically triggered audits for the two subsequent years, focusing on the same set of issues.
Assuming similar outcomes to those two audits, there would be another one, leading to two more and on and on. (Maybe that's what happened to Donald Trump.)
But I wasn't going to suffer that fate. Besides, I had come to like my auditor and as we parted after that first go-around, she told me somewhat coyly,"You know, you can request me to be your auditor for the next one if you want to, you have a right to that."
When I showed up for my second audit, I officially requested to be assigned the same auditor and the IRS granted my request. This time, I showed up with a complete printed register of all of my lunches and meetings, tons of receipts (all numbered consistent with the register), and a more convincing argument that my home office was legit as it now consisted of a desk in the corner of my bedroom.
There were no toys or dinner plates on my desk when the auditor paid her visit for the mandatory inspection, but there were cookies and tea waiting for my guest.
That second audit ended much better -- in a tie -- I didn't owe the IRS anything!
In due time, as the third audit commenced, I was determined to reclaim some of the money confiscated by the agency back in the first audit. I again requested the same auditor. By now I looked forward to renewing our acquaintance and continuing to perform my role as her obedient auditee.
This time around we had long frank conversations during which she told me about her dream to get out of the nasty government agency, which she detested, and get a good job at one of the Big Six accounting firms, where she could make some real money. To my way of thinking, she was way too talented to be stuck in such a humdrum profession.
Our conversations were so extensive and emotional that she only had time to give a cursory glance at the impressive documentation I had prepared of my business meals and meetings, widespread travel, and an extensively outfitted home office that transformed what had previously been my bedroom into a distinctly professional workspace.
On her final visit to my former boudoir, my attractive friend gave me some welcome news: My arguments and doccumentation were so persuasive that the IRS would be issuing me a refund -- almost identical to the excess taxes, penalties and fees assessed me back in the first year of our auditing relationship.
So, in the end it was one for the IRS, one no-decision, and one for me. Nothing gained, nothing lost except a new friend in the accounting business.
Alas, I never saw my sweet auditor again, though from time to time I thought about her over the years. But she was no longer at the IRS office when I next got called in about 30 years later.
All of these memories came back to me as I noted today's headline that the Biden administration plans to target high-income-earners for audits going forward. That should prove much more remunerative than the Reagan era initiative, plus I have some free advice for my much wealthier taxpayer victims:
Don't assume your auditor is a bad guy. And remember, everybody likes tea and cookies.
***
It was a memorable sight Wednesday night at Biden's first joint address to Congress with V-P Harris and Speaker Pelosi, two women from San Francisco, sitting behind him as the next two in the line of succession to the presidency. That's never happened before.
So here are the headlines:
* Biden promises to lift 'left-behind and forgotten' Americans with his ambitious economic agenda (CNN)
* Biden Seeks $80 Billion to Beef Up I.R.S. Audits of High-Earners (NYT)
* Veteran New York Post reporter Laura Italiano said she resigned after being ordered to write a false story that claimed migrant children were being given copies of a book written by Vice President Kamala Harris in "welcome kits." The story set off a days-long misinformation cycle in right-wing circles. [HuffPost]
* Fed Likely to Keep Rates Near Zero as Recovery Picks Up (WSJ)
* The U.S. Built the Afghan Military Over 20 Years. Will It Last One More? (NYT)
* U.S. Navy fires warning shots in new tense encounter with Iran (AP)
* French Police Arrest Extremist Red Brigades Members Sought By Italy -- The members of the violent radical-left Italian terrorist group active in the 1970s and 1980s were arrested Wednesday after years of living under de facto French asylum. (NPR)
* As drought conditions worsen across the state, California water officials are prepared to issue a cease-and-desist order to Nestlé forcing it to stop taking millions of gallons of water out of the San Bernardino forest, which it bottles as Arrowhead brand water. (The Guardian)
* Race, crime, Trump loom over vote for Manhattan’s top prosecutor (Reuters)
* Just 29.5% of Americans are Fully Vaccinated. (CNN)
* Coronavirus has crushed India’s health system. Patients are on their own. (WaPo)
* India reported a single-day record 3,293 COVID-19 deaths in 24 hours, bringing the country's total fatalities to 201,187, as the world’s second most populous country endures its darkest chapter of the pandemic yet. The surge of new infections is tearing through dense cities and rural areas alike and overwhelming the health care system. [AP]
* ‘This Is a Catastrophe.’ In India, Illness Is Everywhere. (NYT)
* In Israel, gentrification stokes discord as Arabs pushed out (AP)
* Biden’s families plan includes free meals for millions of low-income children (Reuters)
* Fossil fuel trade groups in Louisiana and New Mexico rallied Democratic governors in opposition to Biden’s executive order pausing new oil and gas leasing on federal lands and in offshore waters, according to emails and communications shared exclusively with HuffPost. [HuffPost]
* Lower-than-expected state population totals stoke concerns about the 2020 Census (WaPo)
* After Nearly a Year of Unrest, Portland Leaders Pursue a Crackdown (NYT)
* Federal investigators executed a search warrant at the Manhattan apartment of Rudolph Giuliani, the former New York City mayor and personal lawyer to former President Trump, as they probe his business dealings with Ukraine. (Reuters)
* Video shows NRA head struggling to kill wounded elephant from feet away (WaPo)
* When most of the U.S. went into lockdown over a year ago, some speculated that confining couples to their homes — with little to entertain them beyond Netflix — would lead to a lot of baby-making. But the statistics suggest the opposite happened. Births have fallen dramatically in many states during the coronavirus outbreak, according to an Associated Press analysis of preliminary data from half the country. The COVID-19 baby boom appears to be a baby bust. (AP)
* The campaign to recall the state’s governor, Gavin Newsom, shows that even a one-party stronghold like California can be rocked by the nation’s political polarization. (NYT)
* 25 Down And 71,632 To Go: Scientists Seek Genomes Of All Critters With A Backbone (NPR)
* As climate changes, study finds world’s glaciers melting faster (Reuters)
* For a second year, there will be no Burning Man. But the festival will be back in 2022, organizers say. (California Today)
* After Failures to Curb Sexual Assault, a Move Toward a Major Shift in Military Law -- Senator Kirsten Gillibrand has fought for years to remove commanders from deciding assault cases. Now, more colleagues and a Pentagon panel agree. (NYT)
* Ten years after they found and killed Osama bin Laden, U.S. Navy SEALs are undergoing a major transition to improve leadership and expand their commando capabilities to better battle threats from global powers like China and Russia. (AP)
* Mining robot stranded on Pacific Ocean floor in deep-sea mining trial (Reuters)
* Deadly air pollutant disproportionately harms Americans of color, study finds (WaPo)
* Researchers Determine Coelacanth Faked Own Extinction To Escape Massive Gambling Debt (The Onion)
***
"Taxman"
(By George Harrison)
One, two (one, two, three, four)
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman
Be thankful I don't take it all
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman
(If you try to sit, sit) I'll tax your seat
(If you get too cold, cold) I'll tax the heat
(If you take a walk, walk) I'll tax your feet
(Taxman)
Yeah, I'm the taxman
(Ah, ah, Mr. Wilson)
If you don't want to pay some more
(Ah, ah, Mr. Heath)
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman
Declare the pennies on your eyes (taxman)
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman
And you're working for no one but me (taxman)
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