Tuesday, February 14, 2023

Look At Us

 (NOTE: I first published a version of this on Valentine’s Day 12 years ago.)

Somebody said something to me today. It was "Happy Valentine's Day." The guy who said it is a contractor, a carpenter by trade, a nice man who rents a garage nearby. It startled me for a moment, because I had doubted anyone would remember to say that to me today.

In fact, a number of people did, and I said it back to them. It felt good.

The guy who said it first is the one who broke through my defense system. When “special” days like this one come around, my mood tends to to nosedive. In order to avoid reminders what I did in happier years, I try to build an emotional cocoon around myself.

My neighbor said something else, as we both scurried inside from the rain to our separate venues, about how today should really be about "love in all of its various forms."

That hit me. Love in all of its various forms. Why is the most elusive kind — romantic love — the only one that seems to matter?

When you go out of your way to help someone in need, what do you call that?

When you sense that a person is lonely and you call them, what is that?

When you are on the street and you pass someone who seems to be in pain, and you offer your friendliest smile, what is that?

When someone you know has lost a loved one and you try to comfort them, what is that?

When you have bit more of something than you need, and you give it to someone who has a bit less than they need, what is that?

When you see a stranger having trouble crossing the street and you take his or her hand and guide them to safety, what is that?

When on a bus, safely in your seat, a person gets on who clearly should not be trying to stand up in such a place and you stand up to give it to them, what is that?

When a child approaches you, and you sense that child's vulnerability, even if you have no idea what precisely the issue is, and you comfort that child, what is that?

When the person you think you love above all others has to go, has to leave you, has to pursue her own dreams apart from you, and you set her free, what is that?

When a person who has broken your heart finds new love and you somehow find the strength to wish them well, what is that?

When a person whose dreams have been shattered needs a shoulder to cry on, and you provide it, what is that?

When you try to comfort a complete stranger, what is that?

When someone is firing you from your job, and you know this will provoke a serious crisis in your life, but you nevertheless help them not to feel so bad in the moment, what is that? (Okay that might be something else.)

When you find something someone has lost, and you think it might matter to them so you make sure they get it back, what is that?

When you are at the bedside of a dying person and they are having trouble letting go and you find yourself saying, "It's okay. You can go now. We understand," what is that?

When, despite the evidence, you believe there still will be a happy ending to our common story, what is that?

You tell me.

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