Letter from a long lost love

I never know what email will bring. Last night, this arrived:

Dear David,

Sorry I went into silence again for so long. Things between me and that guy are getting more and more complicated and depressing, which stopped me from writing when I felt I was on the verge of self-loathing. I am struggling a lot to try to get out of it, but only to find myself trapped more deeply.

Yesterday I had dinner with one of my friends and his girlfriend. The girl was just like hundreds of other girls around here, good-looking, spoiled, nagging all the time. But she was adored by her boyfriend, who will do anything to please her. I cannot help but wonder: What's wrong with me? Why I am never in a relationship like that -- easy, comfortable, and getting taken care of all the time? Why do my feelings always turn into a stressful, heart-breaking relationship that leads nowhere? Why do I always take a rocky road, on which I am totally on my own?

There must be something wrong with me.

So I'm going to Italy for two weeks this Friday by myself, where I have friends to show me around. I think I have finally reached the point where I cannot deal with the emotional turmoil anymore. I need this getaway to learn to forget.

***

I wish I could answer my friend's questions. She is a lovely, smart, upbeat person, though you might not be able to tell that from this particular message. Maybe I'll suggest she take a break from dating for a while. Try to recover a sense of herself, get "whole" again, and rediscover her ability to hope.

From what I know since she was with me, she has gone through a divorce and then a series of relationships that didn't work out. This most recent one seems by far the most intense emotionally. I don't think she has ever spent any substantial time alone, but gone man to man to man. From what I can tell, getting involved too fast after a painful breakup is almost always a mistake.

It's good she is getting away; new perspectives can come from afar. Beyond that, time helps.

But she sounds like she's in pretty much the same boat as me, these many years after our time together ended: Learning how to forget.