Married or un-

So, I admit it. Curiosity provoked me to look around, online, at how people find each other. I trolled the various sites, read the ads, and viewed some profiles.

Do I want to meet somebody?

Not really.

But if someone wonderful suddenly showed up in my life, in the here and now, I'm quite sure everyone who knows and cares and loves me would understand. I have those assurances.

But, one of my conclusions from exploring the online dating world is many, maybe most, people seem to be looking for sex, not love. This leads me to wonder whether most posters aren't married, or at least attached, whether they reveal that in their ads or not.

I suppose I understand that. I've been married a couple of times, and I understand that you could well find yourself in a situation where you don't want to lose the security of your marriage, particularly if you have kids (good), or your partner is rich (bad), or if you just need to feel safe while pursuing something that may feel exciting.

Call me weird. I've been married* and unmarried* and met many women in both conditions. I vastly prefer being unmarried, without obligations to another.

Why? Because I can honestly present myself as available. And, since my main goal is not only sex or friendship, but both (plus more), i.e., relationship, and since I understand that to involve emotionally truthfulness, the way people present themselves online interests me greatly.

Now, I understand why women, especially, may feel driven to conceal details of their identity when seeking to meet people online. But that creates the essential paradox. When ever you should meet, you just have to be you.

Tonight, taking my nightly walk, despite my medical advice to stay off my feet, I did what comes naturally on a warm night. As a child of the cold northern steppe, all I need is a T-shirt on a night like this. I encountered a woman I know, and she was wrapping her arms around herself, even while wearing a jacket.

Now, this is classic male-female stuff. She admitted she always feels cold. I said I always feel warm.

My advice to her: "You need a hug."

And, I'm quite sure she did. I do too.

But I don't know her quite that well, so my advice hung in the windless air above this neighborhood. But she did do one thing, and I don't know why. She jumped in the air and spread her arms and legs. Then she did it again.

Women are so strange! But also, of course, so very wonderful...

-30-



*I do not use these terms in their literal, or legal, sense, since there are many practical reasons to prolong marriages after they are essentially finished, including health insurance, tax breaks, and other important considerations.