Kids Teaching Kids

Whatever kind of rainy weather was supposed to hit the city today held off enough so that we had a lovely, sunny morning instead. That meant a special skills clinic went ahead as scheduled taught by our 16-year-old soccer player.

His students: 15 girls aged 11-13.

As another soccer dad and I watched him work with the girls, we started talking about a wide range of topics -- public speaking, leadership, how to find balance in life, how kids learn, why sports matter, and the certain way girls of a certain age look up to boys a few years older.

For anyone interested in any of these subjects, today's clinic was the place to be. Of course, there is the pride of a father in watching his son emerge as the kind of young man you've always known him to have the potential to be.

"The only thing I'm worried about," he confided to me beforehand, "is how to get their attention. Could you help me with that?"

Not a problem. He had their full attention from moment one.

Beyond all of the obvious reasons this kind of gender interaction works are the subtleties about how individuals actually learn. A very wise African-American woman friend of mine once wrote a very brave (for its time) article in the newspaper, describing how the people that had helped her develop her skill as a journalist had all been older white men.

She also made the point that part of the reason this was true was that older white men held most of the positions of power in the media companies where she worked and studied.

But she also pointed out that not all of those older white men had been helpful, just some.

This is how society develops; this is how a better future arrives. It is not from those who try to hold back time, hold back change, and suppress hope.

It is those who use whatever small position of influence they might attain to try and do something positive with that power and that influence.

When it comes to kids teaching kids, we are talking about the documented power of peer-to-peer learning. I could write an entire volume on this particular topic, but this is not the time or place to do so.

Let it rest with this thought: All of us sooner or later find ourselves in a position to help makes things better or worse for those who come after us. Even in little ways.

It's a choice you make. And that choice is about character. Whenever we find ourselves in a position of influence, of leadership, the first virtue ought to be modesty.

It is usually a simple circumstance of time and place that we hold a certain title, or are of a certain age or race or gender to hold some degree of power over others. This is as true in personal relationships as in professional life.

There is always a moment when any one of us has a choice to make -- whether to lead by example or to default to the stance taken by the great majority of people since time immemorial, i.e., fail the test.

Failing the test means disappearing, not showing up, hiding, making excuses, slinking away in the shadows, not being there for another when (s)he really needs you.

Think about it. Click on the photo at the top of this post and look at the expressions on those young faces. Times passes so quickly. What would you do? What have you done? What will you do the next time you have an opportunity to make somebody else's life just a little bit better, as opposed to a whole lot worse.

Then look at the boy-coach. He is looking down. Why? Because he is the last to speak in the circle where he asked each player to describe her experience in soccer so far -- how many years, what position, etc.

I'll let the little girl to his immediate left take us out:

"When it came to Aidan and he said 'I've been playing soccer for eleven years, and I am a defender,' I thought, wow, how experienced he really is, but also how he is so modest about it all. He didn't say anything about what a star he is, about being All-City, or any of that stuff."

In the process, his students were learning a much more important lesson than how to play a game.

Which is why they were smiling, and so was I.

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