Survival of the Nicest

Driving her to her game, parking the car, then walking behind my daughter as she hurried to her soccer game this afternoon, I could sense her tension. It was palpable. Today her team was playing a team of girls who on average were two years older, and therefore that much bigger and more experienced.

Also, a number of those opponents were eighth-graders who go to her school, and it turns out there has been a bunch of "trash-talking" this week, with the older girls telling the younger ones, "We are going to crush you."

Hmmm. This is where I have to slow down, look inside, and consider how I really feel about the idea of competition.

This, of course, goes beyond sports, as competition fuels our capitalist economy, and on many other levels, triggers primeval fears inside a species of hairless monkeys with big brains always alert for threats to our survival.

So, yes, it cuts deep.

***

You know something? When I am on the sideline, watching a game in which one of my kids is playing, I do hope their team wins. Very much. But I also hope that my child plays well, regardless of the score.

And many times, I hope that my player feels that she or he played well more than anything else.

This is an emotional world.

I have the privilege of being the parent of kids who do relatively well in things like sports and academics, so I am always proud of how well they have done, but I also have to admit that there is also something else going on inside me as I cheer for them.

And that is as a man.

As a man, I want only to win, only to be the best. I want to be the most successful, the most powerful and the kindest, sweetest, most generous, and feared human on the planet.

Why is this so?

***

My little girl's team was not crushed today, but they did lose, 0-3. She was exhausted afterward, whether from the heat or the defeat, who can say.

But she played hard and she played well.

In this life all you can do is the best that you can do. If you encounter someone able and willing to beat you or lie to you and screw you over, you probably will lose that fight.

But their "wins" are pyrrhic in nature.

I continue to believe that the decent and kind and true will prevail, not the cheaters, liars, betrayers, etc. Especially in emotional terms, it is and has never been about winning or losing; it is and always has been about how you play the game.