Thinking About Love

Good morning from the West Coast. 

Hereabouts we are awaiting what is supposed to be a "bomb cyclone" in the form of a massive atmospheric river that is slamming into into our thirsty, drought-ridden region.

Though skeptical as to its scope, I remain hopeful that it indeed will come to pass.

The rains and wind gusts did start last night just as I was riding in a hired car from San Francisco to the East Bay. The driver got lost for a while in the non-optimal conditions. And the storm continued all night. 

Today there is a general foreboding.

Outside there are pools of water and a small river is rushing down the street. The sky is dark, the trees are bent, and it is one of those times you are happy if you are safely inside and warm somewhere, ideally with someone you love.

I'm thinking about love.

***

This is just in:

Letter From Helmand.14: "Love Is a Thing of the Past"

[This is the latest in a series of letters from a young Hazara friend living in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, describing conditions since the Taliban took power in late August. I am withholding his identity out of concerns for his safety]

Dear David:

Four years ago, while I was at university in Kabul, I had a girlfriend who made my life somewhat tolerable. I didn’t know it at the time, but looking back I’m amazed at how quickly those days passed. 

We often walked along an avenue named Darulaman Road. While we were walking we spoke about our childhood, families, friends, and our interests. Our conversations and stories seemed endless. We were not the only men and women walking together without fear in the streets. There were other couples too, and felt a sort of solidarity with them, that we were all part of the normal order of things, a coming of age.

I remember vividly one day when we saw a pair walking behind us, deep in conversation. Suddenly the boy knelt in front of the girl, crying and begging her not to leave him. I told my girlfriend, "If one day you want to leave me, I will not beg you to stay.  I don’t believe love is earned by begging.” 

Sometimes we went to a cafe where we’d sit for a long while drinking tea or coffee, sharing our thoughts and reciting poems. There were lots of couples there, chattering and giggling. 

Alas, it was not meant to be, and after a couple of years, we separated. I finished my studies and left Kabul for Helmand, and she got married two years later. 

Here in Helmand, I’m still alone. Not by choice, but because the tradition is so strict and repressive. Girls and boys are not allowed to speak to one another.

Helmand, as I’ve said before, is a bastion of Taliban ideology, patriarchal and discriminatory against women. Women don’t have the freedom to go out alone, and men will no longer bring their wives and daughters out in public. Women are confined to their homes, and very few girls are allowed to go to school.  Even a woman sitting in the front seat of a car is considered a shameful act. 

In Kabul today it is no better. Yesterday, I spoke on the phone to my friend there, and asked him about relationships. He said: "Love affairs are a thing of the past. Most of the cafes are closed; those that are still open have very few  customers. The chairs and tables are covered in dust, and the proprietors can’t be bothered to clean. There are separate seating areas for mean and women,  divided by a curtain.’ 

And how was it affecting him personally? 

“Two days ago I was strolling with my wife on the street, holding her hand,” he told me. “A Talib approached, stood in front of us, and said, ‘It should be the last time I see you like this, otherwise I will shoot you.’ Then I abandoned my wife's hand and we went straight home without hesitation.”

***

All fourteen letters from my friend in Helmand have been very sad, but this is the first time he has opened up publicly about not having love in his life. He and I have spoken about it privately, as friends, but never in the form of a published letter as we are doing here now.

To me, the most amazing experience of all in all in life is to fall in love, at any age. It rarely happens, but everybody, including our Afghan friend, who is only 28, deserves that opportunity.

I know that the policy-makers, politicians, business leaders, military chiefs, strategic thinkers, academics, geo-political experts and concerned citizens are focused on the big questions like Afghanistan's economic collapse, hunger, poverty, insecurity, terrorism and genocide.

But today, I am not thinking so much about those things as about that one little four-letter word.

***

THE HEADLINES:

* Pakistan using informal intelligence channels to prop up Taliban fight against ISIS -- The United States and other countries are concerned that Afghanistan could again become a haven for militants seeking to carry out international attacks if the Taliban can't contain them. (WP)

* ‘Completely Lost’: For Some Afghans, Returning Home Is as Difficult as Fleeing -- Thousands of Afghans who were in India for medical treatment when the country collapsed are now desperate to return, but have no money and no clear route home. (NYT)

* U.S. Struggles With Afghan Evacuees Weeded Out, and Now in Limbo -- No final decisions have been made, but dozens red-flagged for apparent criminal pasts or links to militants have been sent to a base in Kosovo, where their fate is uncertain. (NYT)

* War of the suburbs: Va. Democrats, GOP fight over turf to win House of Delegates -- There are 100 House seats on the ballot, but a handful could determine the balance of power in Richmond. (WP)

* Facebook documents show how platform fueled rage ahead of Jan. 6 attack on Capitol (WP)

* Facebook in India has been selective in curbing hate speech, misinformation and inflammatory posts, particularly anti-Muslim content, according to leaked documents obtained by The Associated Press, even as its own employees cast doubt over the company’s motivations and interests. (AP)

* Alec Baldwin Film Set Had Previous Accidental Gun Discharges, Crew Members Say -- They expressed concerns over gun mishaps and working conditions just days before the shooting that killed the cinematographer Halyna Hutchins. (NYT)

* Thousands of workers across the U.S. would rather lose their jobs than be vaccinated (NPR)

* Endemic Covid-19 Has Arrived in Portugal. This Is What It Looks Like.--The country has one of the world’s highest coronavirus vaccination rates. Its cautious return to normality is being closely watched by other countries as their inoculations inch higher. (WSJ)

* What Previous Covid-19 Waves Tell Us About the Virus Now (NYT)

* After pollution and deforestation drove them away, otters return to Singapore in full force (WP)

* A 'triple play' of weather hazards will unfold this week across the U.S. (CNN)

* After Fires and Droughts, California Prepares for Heavy Rain -- A storm is expected to drop up to 10 inches of rain in Northern California. The region is in desperate need of water, but the rain is likely to bring dangerous mudslides and flash floods. (NYT)

* After California wildfire, thousands of trees to be removed (AP)

* Rocky Mountain high: U.S. looks to Colorado for methane emissions policy (Reuters)

* China is removing domes from mosques as part of a push to make them more 'Chinese' (NPR)

* Biden delays the release of remaining J.F.K. assassination records, citing the pandemic. -- The National Archives require additional time to work on redactions, a White House statement on Friday said. (NYT)

* Obama fires up Virginia crowd for governor's race he calls a U.S. "turning point" (Reuters)

* The term “metaverse" seems to be everywhere. Facebook is hiring thousands of engineers in Europe to work on it, while video game companies are outlining their long-term visions for what some consider the next big thing online. (AP)

* I Spent 44 Years Studying Retirement. Then I Retired. --I was more prepared than just about anybody. And some things are exactly what I expected. But other things—not so much, writes David Ekerdt. (NYT)

* Yes, kids are playing Squid Game at recess. Now what? (WP)

* Report: Getting Out Of Bed In Morning Sharply Increases Risk Of Things Getting Even Worse (The Onion)

***

"Love Is Just a Four-Letter Word"

Sung by Joan Baez

Written by Bob Dylan

Seems like only yesterday
I left my mind behind
Down in the gypsy café
With a friend of a friend of mine
Who sat with a baby heavy on her knee
Yet spoke of life most free from slavery
With eyes that showed no trace of misery
A phrase in connection first with she occurred

That love is just a four-letter word

Outside a rambling store-front window
Cats meowed to the break of day
Me, I kept my mouth shut
To you I had no words to say
My experience was limited and underfed
You were talking while I hid
To the one who was the father of your kid
You probably didn't think I did, but I heard

You say, that love is just a four-letter word

I said goodbye unnoticed
Pushed forth into my own games
Drifting in and out of lifetimes
Unmentionable by name
Searching for my double, looking for
Complete evaporation to the core
Though I tried and failed at finding any door
I must have thought that there was nothing more absurd

Than that love is just a four-letter word

Though I never knew just what you meant
When you were speaking to your man
I can only think in terms of me
And now I understand
After waking enough times to think I see
The holy kiss that's supposed to last eternity
Blow up in smoke, it's destiny
Falls on strangers, travels free
Yes, I know now, traps are only set by me
And I do not really need to be assured

That love is just a four-letter word

Strange it is to be beside you
Many years the tables turned
You'd probably not believe me
If I told you all I've learned
And it is very, very weird indeed
To hear words like forever, fleets
Of ships run through my mind, I cannot cheat
It's like looking in the teacher's face complete
I can say nothing to you but repeat what I heard

That love is just a four-letter word