Saturday, August 31, 2024

Visions of Manhood

Looming over this year’s election is the historical question of gender roles. If Kamala Harris wins, she will become our first female President, four years after becoming our first-ever female Vice President.

That also means that men’s monopoly over the nation’s top job will have ended after a reign of 235 years. In addition, it will mean that Doug Emhoff will become the nation’s first First Gentleman, ending women’s monopoly in that role.

Emhoff already has been the first-ever Second Gentleman for the past 3-and-a-half years, of course. And under the scenario of a Harris victory, Tim Walz will become the first man to serve as Vice President to a female President.

I mention all of this stuff, which is completely obvious to everyone, because it bears repeating. It is a remarkable series of role reversals we are expecting and hoping this society to embrace when the culture wars raging around us are already threatening to tear the country in two.

The old guard is not going down without a fight. Donald Trump and JD Vance are running an openly sexist campaign against and Harris and Walz, labeling her a “childless cat lady” and circulating crude sexual innuendos while less directly, by extension, questioning Walz’s manhood.

As the father of three women and three men, and the grandfather of three girls and five boys, I object. Both genders, as well of those of mixed genders and sexual orientations, are fully capable and worthy of playing any role of leadership our society offers and should be encouraged to do so.

***

One of the features of digital services like Shutterfly or Facebook that I appreciate is the algorithm that resurfaces old content. And because I have been posting text and photos for many years now, there are a great number of memories out there to re-encounter when they resurface.

Such was the case yesterday when an old photograph showed up in my inbox; it was taken on a device I no longer possess from a trip I can barely remember. I believe my younger kids and I were staying at a motel with a pool outside of Sacramento, visiting one of my older daughters and her first child, a boy.

In the photo, a much more vigorous and younger version of me is holding my grandson, who looks to be about one-and-a- half. Next to us is one of my sons, who was about 13 at the time. He is quietly and intently looking at his tiny nephew, with a mixture of awe, disbelief and perhaps envy.

There’s a great deal of literature these days about how to be a good parent, especially how to raise good young men. These are important ideas that I take seriously. There is the ancient scourge of “toxic masculinity,” which in the better half of our hearts we wish to eradicate.

Meanwhile, our concept of what is means to be a man has been changing radically for decades now.

We want our boys to have a lot of qualities at the same time, some of which may be in conflict. We want them to be a special kind of manly, both strong and vulnerable, independent but relational, driven but sensitive, self-aware yet self-confident, loving yet resilient, intellectual and physical. It’s a lot to handle.

***

Today the baby in that old photo is a senior in high school and thinking about college; the boy in the photo is going on 30 on track to be a nurse. He is gifted in taking care of people.

I am an old man who thinks about the future — a lot.



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