What you alone know

One of my activities the past few years has been teaching memoir writing. It is odd that I have been doing this because I have never written a memoir myself, nor do I plan to. On the other hand, this blog has taken on a life of its own, which I have recognized recently, so I am now calling it a "life journal." So, maybe this is as close to a memoir as I will ever get around to writing.

One thing I picked up from someone, maybe William Zinsser or Natalie Goldberg, both of whom are far more qualified than I to talk about memoirs, is the notion that each of us is uniquely the sole custodian of our own memory. We own our own impressions of our own lives, and yes, I have always wished to write a sentence that used the word "own" three times, with two distinct meanings, but that is nothing more than an example of my own peculiar proclivities.

Write what you know. It can be oddly liberating when a person realizes that she can tell the story of her own life strictly from her own point-of-view, ignoring finally all the other voices -- of her parents, siblings, lovers, partners, bosses, friends -- that create so much background noise she can barely make out her own faint voice (and, yes, I did it again, a sentence with three uses of "own," this time with only one meaning.)

Many of us fail to develop enough confidence in our uniqueness to find a way to express it to others, so that they might benefit from our experiences and insights. We remain bottled up our whole lives, assuming no one would be interested enough in what we are thinking or feeling to read our words or glimpse our pain.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Summon your memory, tell your story, and strive to be emotionally honest. People will respond to people who tell their truth.

***

Which reminds me of the disturbing news that there is a killer on the loose. A man who is currently making the rounds, reading at bookstores, positioning himself as a thoughtful middle-aged man who has come clean about the sins of his youth.

But he has not come clean. He is the chief suspect in the murder of a woman who was the mother of a friend of mine. We have plenty of reasons to believe he indeed is the killer. No charges have ever been brought, and it is unlikely that any ever will be.

But this man should know that there are those of us watching his every move, and when he slips, as murderers always do, we'll try to make sure that justice will finally catch up to him. His book is an insult to the memory of my friend's mother; the money he makes on it is blood money.

***

Wednesday nights around here are spaghetti nights. We make it with ground turkey meatballs. But tonight, Dylan informed me that he is not comfortable eating birds, with the exception of chicken, which he believes is such a big part of the diets available to him that it is not practical to eliminate it from his diet just now.

This is a kid who absolutely loves spaghetti and meatballs, especially my version served these many Wednesdays the past three+ years. But tonight, true to his word, he ate the pasta and the red sauce, but not the meatballs.

So, accordingly, I will start buying ground beef or buffalo on Wednesdays. I'm not about to undermine my ten-year-old's passion for birds. He has already taught me about how intelligent pigeons are and how stupid owls are -- facts I never would otherwise have known.

***

I have an idea for a social networking website that just might be a big success. Repeat visitors to this space know that I have highlighted demographic trends that suggest that more Americans (and probably other nationalities as well) now live most of their lives as single people rather than as part of a couple.

This creates an opportunity. As my regular readers also know, I love to cook myself meals on nights when I can do that. What if all of us who find ourselves living alone posted photos and stories of the meals we made ourselves every night? Don't you think that would be a cool network to join?

Of course, the big winners among websites in the social networking space revolve around dating -- match.com, yahoo personals, craigslist, etc. But there is a bit more to life than love and sex, actually, great as they may be, such as the deeply sensuous nature of food.

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