What is That if Not Love?

The rains return to the west coast. A gloomy night with silent streets; everyone's in from the cold. A year ago on this date, as I recall, it was warm and conducive to walking around the Mission.

I'm not gloomy, though. What's past is past; I'm on to my unknown future. You've probably heard of Watson by now. That's the computer that is taking on humans in the game of Jeopardy -- a task that requires intelligence, attendance to the subtlety and nuance of language, including elements of humor, metaphor, and odd sayings, like "light a fire under" someone's ass.

I've been monitoring Watson as part of my research into the evolution of technology, including its development of human-like features of intelligence and emotion. In some ways, this may be the biggest story of our time, though one seldom mentioned.

As a species, we may be crossing a threshold -- we may already have crossed it -- whereby our DNA, computer processing power, and mutations both physical and technical will be yielding a new species, essentially, one that is combination of man and machine.

If by some chance scientists can perfect a machine that can fall in love with a human and stay in love, our sorry species will be finished. I'm not talking about blow-up dolls here, but if I were I would recommend the movie, Lars and the Real Girl.

No, I am talking about what Jungians consider the mythological underpinning of the Western notion of love -- the story of Tristan and Isolde. I won't bother to recount that ancient tale here, because thanks to Google you can find out more than you would ever want to know about it without my help.

***

Somebody said something to me today. It was "Happy Valentine's Day." The guy who said it is a contractor, a carpenter by trade, a sweet man who rents a garage nearby. It startled me for a moment, not the wish or not because he's a man but because I doubted anyone would say that to me today.

In fact, a number of people have, and I cherish every one of them.

The guy who said it first, though, is the one who broke through my defense system. You see, when anniversaries of special times with another who has left me come around, my moods tend to to nosedive. In order to avoid any reminder that what I did last year is not what I will do this year I build an emotional cocoon around myself.

Does that make sense?

I avoid the usual suspects, the people who will say it, not mean it, and make things worse in the process.

But my friend, when he said it, actually touched my heart. I said the same words back to him and then he called out, as we both scurried inside from the rain to our separate venues -- "love in all of its various forms."

Think about that. Love in all of its various forms.

When you go out of your way to help someone in need, what do you call that?

When you sense that a person is lonely and you call them, what is that?

When you are on the street and you pass someone who seems to be in pain, and you offer your nicest smile, what is that?

When someone you know has lost a loved one and you try to comfort them, what is that?

When you have bit more of something than you need, and you give it to someone who has a bit less than they need, what is that?

When you see a stranger having trouble crossing the street and you take his or her hand and guide them to safety, what is that?

When on a bus, safely in your seat, a person gets on who clearly should not be trying to stand up in such a place (if you've ridden a San Francisco bus you know what I mean) and you stand up to give it to them, what is that?

When a child approaches you, and you sense that child's vulnerability, even if you have no idea what precisely the issue is, and you comfort that child, what is that?

When the person you think you love above all others has to go, has to leave you, has to pursue her own dreams apart from you, and you set her free, what is that?

When someone comes back, downtrodden, disappointed in their new life, and asks for your help, what is that?

When someone you have irretrievably lost faces a sudden new challenge and you decide to show up and help out, what is that?

When someone asks you to stay silent, to not contact them because they are recovering from their involvement with you and trying to move on, what is that?

When a person who has broken your heart finds new love and you somehow find the strength to wish them well, what is that?

When a person whose dreams have been shattered needs a shoulder to cry on, and you provide it, what is that?

When a stranger, the very first time you meet her, cries on your shoulder about the father who abandoned her, and you try to comfort her, what is that?

When someone is firing you from your job, and you know this will provoke a serious crisis in your life, but you nevertheless help them not feel so bad in that difficult moment, what is that?

When you give something you created -- a story, a painting, a hand-made gift of any sort, to someone who no longer has any time for you, who in fact wishes you would disappear, but who still deserves to hold in her hands something that you made for her in a happier time, what is that?

When a child, whose world has just been blown apart by divorce or death or plain old neglect, seeks your help and you give it, what is that?

When the day comes that you meet an ex-lover, and she is defensive because she has moved on and you haven't yet, but you remain strong and pretend everything is okay, what is that?

When you find something someone has lost, and you know it means a lot to them so you make sure you get it back to them, what is that?

When you have a professional talent or skill and someone is hurting, hurting real bad, and you believe that by devoting hundreds of your precious hours over many years for free in order to help alleviate that pain you do so, what is that?

When you are at the bedside of a dying person and they are having trouble letting go so you speak, with all of your heart, "It's okay. You can go now. We understand," what is that?

When you break through your own reservations and contact a person with whom you have had a bad ending, what is that?

When at the end of a long and difficult and very lonely day, you decide to keep going, at least for one more day, because of all of the people, even if they cannot say so, love you and you know it, what is that?

When, you regain your power and you once again sit in a position of authority or fame or wealth or all of the other trivial pursuits we all seem to need, and you use that power for good, what is that?

When, despite all of the evidence, you somehow believe that there still can be a happy ending to your own story, what is that?

You tell me.

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