(Note: This is reposted from a version that was written in a moment of exhaustion. When I read it early this morning, I knew it was all wrong, a first draft, as it were. All that remains now is what I can accept as accurately describing my actual feelings late last night.)
Most of what I try to write is based on the idea that if I can somehow transform my own experiences into stories, perhaps semi-fictional, that will encourage others to live their lives to the fullest. Then, this is all worthwhile, and mutually beneficial.
But my own life has its own story, only some of which I am able to share here. Tonight, I have hit up against one of my most hopeless places. The corner where I am pushed into, against my will, is the one based on listening closely to the voices around me.
Tonight, I am hopelessly lonely. I feel unloved and forgotten, discardable and foolish. Why foolish? Because I have repeatedly tried to love women who find some sort of excuse to not continue loving me back.
Thus, I am left alone in this world, without a partner. Oh, I have lots of friends, including many women friends.
But every night I spend alone is a reminder that this may well prove to be the way it henceforth will always be.
Therefore, it's best that I go forward on my own, not seeking the company of people who are not up to the task of truly loving me.
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