Love, Marriage, and Memory

All of my life, the common wisdom is that women are more romantic than men, but that is not necessarily my experience, personally.

In that context, today is a special day for me. It is the 16th anniversary of my second marriage. It was a hot day that August, 1992. My old friend Howard was visiting and ready to play his role for the second time as my Best Man.

We chose to play for our beloved (now retired) softball team, the Michigan Mafia, on a field off of Ocean Avenue. As I recall the day, I went 2 for 2, and when the time grew tight, indicated to Howard that we better get home and get dressed.

I walked off the field to a rousing cheer from my teammates, who knew exactly what was going on.

In 1992, I was 45 years old. My new wife was 37. We'd known each other for almost a decade, but had lived together only for two years. Earlier that year, we had bought a house.

(Earlier today, when walking around my current neighborhood, I saw some plants outside a house that reminded me of how I landscaped our house back then.)

The ceremony and the party afterward probably constituted the single occasion in my lifetime when more of my friends and family members gathered in one place to honor me and my partner than any other time before or since. In that sense, it was probably the greatest night in my life.

But some very important people were absent. My three kids from my first marriage did not attend. I understood their decision then and I understand it now. But, still, it cut some of the joy out of my heart, and that often is the fate of those of us who manage to fall in love more than once in our lives.

Unfortunately, from many perspectives, that second marriage did not work out, either. Now, three more kids would suffer broken hearts as they watched their parents fight and break up.

Every child of divorce, except those who have witnessed horrible abuse and violence, harbors a secret fantasy that their folks will get back together. But marriages are like the old nursery rhyme, Humpty Dumpty. Once broke, you just can't put it back together again.

So, Happy Anniversary to us, and to a future where all of us understand that relationships can be celebrated for their strengths, rather than 'dissed for their weaknesses.

Meanwhile, on to the future! Perhaps there can be an Act Three?

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