Yesterday, I watched them walking ahead of me at BestBuy as we shopped for Dylan's birthday present. They had their arms around each other. Brothers, aged 12 and 11, and undoubtedly each other's best friend.
I tried to imagine what it would be like to have a brother. The closest I've come is my various brothers-in-law -- eleven by my count -- and my best male friends at different stages of life.
The comforts of being around men include not having to censor yourself about your unbridled passion for sports, gadgets, cars, guns, computers, drinking, politics, and other subjects. The comforts of women are what most of are seeking, but we know we're not really very good at getting what we want.
Why?
Besides all the biology, i.e., our hard-wiring, there is such a wide gap between the emotional maturing process of females compared to males. And nothing can change that. Many may treat emotions as the software running on our hard discs, but they are misguided.
Our synapses fire inside our brains until we die. (After, they keep firing through the words we've written. I have a transcript of my Canadian grandmother's partial memoir, which I will scan and post here presently, which illustrates my point.) Her inimitable voice comes through.
However, our hearts have no such electrical wiring system. The heart may be the seat of emotion, a home for our feelings, but it doesn't seem to have developed any kind of reliable infrastructure mimicking the brain's.
Thinking about this, I have re-examined that phrase ("the seat of emotion") and speculated that maybe, just maybe, our language has brought this odd insight down through the ages for a reason. Maybe we are looking for our emotional center in all the wrong places.
After all, the heart is just a pumping mechanism, essentially, not all that different from a water well. It's probably so busy at its blood-circulating work, which regulates everything else our bodies do, that it may not have the extra bandwith to handle our messiness -- our emotions.
You may know where I am going with this.
What if the actual seat of our emotions is our, ahem, seat?
You heard me: Our bottom, butt, ass, arse, what have you. It makes sense to me, does it make sense to you? Our (pick your favorite word) doesn't really have all that much to do, most of the time, except anchor us in place. Of course, it also hosts other essential functions, but let's ignore those for a moment. Though urgent when the call comes, there is lots of downtime for the average ass.
That's why I believe our emotions live behind us, under us, in our anchoring place. I may be entirely alone in this analysis; if so, it wouldn't be the first time. But, as a special treat tonight, I have obtained the official list of banned words that most websites use to filter user-generated comments.
This list, be warned, is not for the faint of heart. But it does contain a surprisingly large number of words that suggest my hypothesis about the home for emotions may be valid.
Of course, there are the usual collection of words that can be considered sacreligious, hateful (the worst words, in my mind), sexual, or scatological. But there also are others.
Enjoy!
-30-
p.s. Rude Word List:
ahole
asholes
ass lick
asses
Assface
asshole
assholes
assholz
asskisser
asswipe
azzhole
belly whacker
Biatch
bitch
bitcher
bitchers
bitches
blow job
blowjob
blowjobs
boffing
boner
browntown
bucket cunt
bull shit
bullshit
bung hole
butch
butt breath
butt fucker
butt hair
buttface
buttfuck
buttfucker
butthead
butthole
buttpicker
buttwipe
Carpet Muncher
chink
circle jerk
clit
cnts
cntz
cobia
cock
cockbiter
cock-biter
cockbiters
cock-biters
cockhead
cock-head
cocks
cocksuck
cocksucked
CockSucker
cocksucker
cock-sucker
cocksucking
cocksucks
cooter
crap
cum
cummer
cumming
cums
cumshot
cunilingus
cunillingus
cunnilingus
cunt
cuntlick
cuntlicker
cuntlicking
cunts
cuntz
cyberfuc
cyberfuck
cyberfucked
cyberfucker
cyberfuckers
cyberfucking
dickwad
dike
dildo
dildos
dipshit
dong
douche bag
dumbass
dyke
ejaculate
ejaculated
ejaculates
ejaculating
ejaculatings
ejaculation
enema
f u c k
f u c k e r
fag
fag1t
faget
fagg1t
fagget
fagging
faggit
faggot
faggs
fagit
fagot
fagots
fags
fagz
felatio
fellatio
fingerfuck
fingerfucked
fingerfucker
fingerfuckers
fingerfucking
fingerfucks
fistfuck
fistfucked
fistfucker
fistfuckers
fistfucking
fistfuckings
fistfucks
fuck
fucked
fucker
fuckers
fuckin
fucking
fuckings
fuckme
fucks
Fudge Packer
fuker
fuks
furburger
gangbang
gangbanged
gangbangs
gazongers
goddamn
God-damned
gonads
gook
guinne
hard on
hardcoresex
homo
horniest
horny
hotsex
hussy
jack off
jackass
jacking off
jackoff
jack-off
jap
japs
jerk
jerk-off
jisim
jism
jiss
jiz
jizm
jizz
kike
knob
knobs
knobz
kock
kum
kums
kunilingus
kunt
kunts
kuntz
masterbaiter
masterbate
masterbates
merde
Motha Fucker
mothafuck
mothafucka
mothafuckas
mothafuckaz
mothafucked
mothafucker
mothafuckers
mothafuckin
mothafucking
mothafuckings
mothafucks
Mother Fucker
motherfuck
motherfucked
motherfucker
mother-fucker
motherfuckers
motherfuckin
motherfucking
motherfuckings
motherfucks
nigger
niggers
orgasim
orgasims
orgasm
orgasms
orgasum
pecker
pen1s
penis
penis-breath
penus
phonesex
pissoff
polack
poonani
pussies
pussy
pussys
rectum
retard
sadist
scank
schlong
screwing
semen
sheister
shit
shitfull
shiting
shitings
shits
shitted
shitter
shitters
shitting
shittings
shitty
skank
skanks
skanky
slag
sleaze
slut
sluts
sluts
slutty
snatch
son-of-a-bitch
spunk
tit
turd
twat
vagina
vulva
wetback
whore
wop
-30-
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