Character

This is a story about character. If you wish a glimpse at a true character, look at this little guy above. He is a true character, an original, a goof, brilliant, always on his own track, as sweet and rough and raw as a blinding ray of sunlight, often so bright that his message could well be the first-ever absorbed by a blind person, for example.

Everything he says has never been said before.

He's also a little brother, less than 1.5 years younger than his biggest hero, a guy who has a different set of skills. But he doesn't bother with sports, because medieval history is a much stronger draw...

Nothing about parenting is easy. Today, our family's time started off with a monumental battle between these two young men, both still slightly shorter than me, but not for much longer.

As men develop, the world becomes a strange place, mainly due to the responses of women. Moms of friends who used to think you were cute suddenly shrink away as you approach.

Somehow, you've become a threat. You are big, tall, and scary.

They used to pamper you, now they avoid looking at you directly in your eyes.

For the first time ever, you realize that females are afraid of you, even if you feel so utterly powerless and scared and lonely and certain that you could never hurt a flea, let alone another human being...

Nevertheless, you also sense a power in your maleness, not necessarily something you would have sought but something biology has presented you with.

(All remaining photos were shot by Julia.)


My two youngest sons resolved their hurtful fight today. How? We went to Big 5, a man's store. All 3 of us knew what we had to do and we did it. After that, no conflicts remained. As the day went on, and their little sister, a toughie if there ever was one, joined us, we all prepared ourselves for this day's main event -- the soccer game.



We have among us a warrior.



Not everything he does is something I can brag about. Like any kid, he has his flaws, though they are far fewer than mine.



There is one consistent characteristic of his that makes me proud beyond what any words express. He cares about his teammates. Now this, to a non-athlete, may sound silly. But if you play a team sport, your main loyalty has to be to your team.



My guy? Nobody from the opposition ever messes with one of his teammates. He is already an imposing young man. Very tall, wiry, and faster than anyone who faces him, he plays a mean game of soccer. So today a pivotal moment occurred when one of his teammates raced toward the goal and was about to shoot when another kid, from the other team, committed a blatant foul, knocking Aidan's teammate to the ground.

This meant a yellow card for the offender (who to his credit did prevent a goal), and a gift shot for his teammate, but none of this mattered to my boy. Winning or losing didn't matter, for that matter, either. This was about loyalty, a virtue too long overlooked in many parts of our culture.

What Aidan did was to go up the kid who fouled his teammates, jaw to jaw, and said, "You know what you are? You are a fucker."

The kid turned away, averted his eyes, and never could look my boy in the face again the rest of the afternoon.

You know, of course, that I am proud of my son. He did the right thing at the right time for the right reason.

And none of what I've written here is about sports, and it also is not about my son. The game and his actions are nothing but metaphors, for I am nothing but a writer. My concern tonight is what any of us might do to instill character in our young ones. Like any other parent reading this post, I struggle every day. What is the right thing and what is not?

I could well be wrong, and more often than not in this world I am, but tonight, I am a proud father, if only because my sweet son took a stand and defended his teammate and told another young man, who probably is a perfectly good person in his own right, to his face, exactly what needed to be said: "You are a fucker."

The gift in that would be if the recipient truly listened. There are many ways we learn. One of the best is when someone else cares enough to tell us directly when we have screwed up does so. Sometimes the language has to be crude, even threatening. Sometimes, character-building happens when you know if you don't shape up, somebody else will take you down.

For the rest of today's game, that kid did not commit any other fouls. What he and I both know that if he had, a certain 6-foot-tall red-headed meteor would have laid him flat, and at this point who the fuck cares about yellow cards?