Reject False Prophets

It's a special weekend when I get to go into San Francisco on both days. God I love that city. Saturday was foggy but Sunday was cloudless, pure summer. At a cafe on Bernal with my two younger sons, we caught up over brunch. 

Many more people are out and about these days, most still masked, but there's palpable sense of relief in the city air. We passed a bar with guys tuning up for some bluegrass music and there also were families with kids in the park. 

It's all like a dream, this return to the way it used to be. If there is something new it's that we don't take any of it for granted now.

Nope, the post-pandemic phase is here to stay, at least for a while.

***

My sons and I discussed the almost incomprehensible (to us) fact that so many people still think the 2020 election was a fraud, so much so that it appears to be a litmus test for who gets to run for office on the Republican ticket nowadays.

Even in the best of weather, a dark cloud hovers over the next year and a half in the form of the midterm elections. My youngest son believes no Republican will ever concede an election again.

If he is right, we are headed for a different form of government than a democracy. Only Third World-style dictatorships can function in a manner where there is no consensus about who wins an election. That's the basis of representative democracy -- the consent of the governed. Is undermining the oldest functioning democracy in the world  what our GOP friends want to do?

Trump strikes me as an addictive drug -- he has seduced people out of their senses so completely that they would apparently give up their rationality as well as their freedom on the word of a madman. 

***

A friend asked me recently how I choose what to write about each day. It's a simple question but it doesn't have a simple answer.

Some days the topic is obvious from the news cycle, but those days are relatively rare. Other times, a conversation or an event in my own life takes over. On still others, someone makes a suggestion here on Facebook that gets me going.

Then there are the times that something will trigger a memory and I'll switch into memoir mode.

And then the rarest of days, my very favorite times as a writer, it's the way the sunlight strikes a single hair, or an unexpected note on the breeze that awakens me. Suddenly, I'm in a heightened state of awareness.

It's easy to see why some artists use mind-altering drugs to get themselves into that particular place that allows them to be most creative. But I don't do that.

Thus, for me, occasionally a day arrives when there is nothing at all that comes to mind -- nothing in the news, nothing going on with me, no conversations or sunlight falling on a flower in a vase, no heightened awareness.

It's just me, silence, a screen, a keyboard, and a need.

That need is to reach out, to try and communicate. It's not a cry for help; it's certainly not a desire to lecture. It's far simpler -- a basic urge. This is just who I am.

Not to sound pretentious (which itself is an art form I never expect to master), but I write, therefore I am.

***

The headlines:

* Rejection of 2020 election results becomes defining GOP loyalty test -- Republicans have embraced the baseless claims that President Biden did not defeat Donald Trump, with potential ramifications for the midterms and the 2024 election. (WP)

* G.O.P. Seeks to Empower Poll Watchers, Raising Intimidation Worries --Republicans in several states are pushing bills to give poll watchers more autonomy. Alarmed election officials and voting rights activists say it’s a new attempt to target voters of color. (NYT)

* As U.S. departs Afghanistan, will the old Taliban reemerge-- Officials and experts caution that it’s too soon to know whether the group has moderated the rigid beliefs that made it a global pariah before 9/11. (WP)

* In energy-reliant Canada, banks and investors face dilemma in meeting emissions target (Reuters) GOP lawmaker charged with ‘knowingly’ letting rioters breach the Oregon Capitol (WP)

* Looming showdown as Michigan governor orders Canadian pipeline shut down (WP)

* Americans Can’t Get Enough of Stocks (WSJ)

* New stage in Rome’s Colosseum will restore majestic view (AP)

* Global Virus Cases Reach New Peak, Driven by India and South America -- Led by surges in the two hotspots and Eastern Europe, the average number of new daily cases has exceeded 800,000 for more than a week. (NYT)

* Modi’s pandemic choice: Protect his image or protect India. He chose himself. (WP)

* In Mexico, ancient Maya cave reveals mysterious painted hand prints (Reuters)

* From Apple to Domino’s Pizza, U.S. Companies Scramble to Meet Surge in Demand (WSJ)

* Fierce Foes, Iran and Saudi Arabia Secretly Explore Defusing Tensions -- Talks between the two regional powers, if successful, could start to lower the temperature on several conflicts across the Middle East. (NYT)

* Columbus police may not use tear gas and rubber bullets on peaceful protesters, judge rules (WP)

* South Africa will clamp down on captive lion breeding after a review panel concluded the industry risked the conservation of wild lions and harmed tourism, the environment minister said on Sunday. (Reuters)

* Arnold Schwarzenegger Is No Longer the Governor of California. Right?-- Amid a pandemic and a recall, Mr. Schwarzenegger has been in demand at his Los Angeles mansion, embracing his unlikely role as California’s “elderly statesman.” (NYT)

* From the Past, a Chilling Warning About the Extremists of the Present -- Almost four decades after officials dismantled the Order, a violent far-right group, experts see echoes in the far right of today. (NYT)

* Hundreds of boats line up on Lake Geneva in border art project (Reuters)

* Study Finds Newborn Infants Can Tell If Parents Are Losers (The Onion)

***

"False Prophet"

By Bob Dylan

Well I'm the enemy of treason
Enemy of strife
I'm the enemy of the unlived meaningless life
I ain't no false prophet
I just know what I know
I go where only the lonely can go

-30-

Good Girls Make Trouble

When I was first breaking into journalism in the '60s, newsrooms were completely dominated by men. There was no nuance to this; women were confined to subservient roles. As Baby Boomers, many of us were active in the antiwar and civil rights movements, and soon every other form of inequity came into focus for us -- especially misogyny and homophobia.

In the media industry, women started demanding equal opportunities.

If there has been a silver lining to the past year for me, it has been the chance to catch up on all of the films and TV series I missed during the years I was employed in jobs I considered too demanding to allow for entertainment breaks.

So there was some serious catching up to do.

One of the series I missed initially was "Good Girls Revolt," the 2016 Amazon production based on Lynn Povich's 2013 book of the same name, thinly fictionalizing the events that led women employees to challenge the existing order at Newsweek magazine.

And according to this version, there was at least as much "sex, drugs and rock n roll" at Newsweek as at Rolling Stone.

Oh, Rolling Stone gets plenty of attention, including stories both publications covered: the war, the Black Panthers, the Weather Underground bombings, police corruption, graffiti artists, feminist protests, advertising pressure on content, etc.

Early in the series and once later on, a character playing Nora Ephron makes an appearance -- she is accurately portrayed as having quit Newsweek because the magazine used her work but didn't give her a byline, which was emblematic of how women were treated at the time.

Of course, Ephron simply went on to become a not only a successful writer, most famously at Esquire, but a screenwriter/producer responsible for films like Sleepless in Seattle, Silkwood, When Harry Met Sally, Julie and Julia, You've Got Mail, Bewitched, and many others.

It's difficult to think of a journalist/screenwriter with a better resume during her lifetime; she died in 2012 at age 71. 

Overall, the series focuses on a group of women trying to make it at Newsweek, but the men in supporting roles represent the mixed feelings my generation of male journalists had as we saw our female colleagues battle for their rights. Our bosses were all men who expected us, not the women, to eventually take their places, but some of us ultimately sided with our female colleagues instead.

I liked the series; it brought back a lot of memories, good and bad. It was cancelled after one season of ten episodes. 

Back to the real world, the battle for gender equality in journalism wasn't resolved by that one lawsuit.

Because the pay and power disparities for women persist to this day.

(image: English journalist Bessie Rayner Parkes, 1900)

***

The news:

* How did the pandemic begin? It’s time for a new WHO investigation. (Editorial Board/WP)

* ‘Firefighters Out There in the Snow’: Wildfires Rage Early in Parched West -- Firefighters in New Mexico, Arizona and California are battling springtime blazes that have been fueled by a severe drought and boosted by climate change. (NYT)

* Arrests in Paris as thousands join May Day protests across France (Reuters)

* High-ranking diplomats from China, Germany, France, Russia and Britain made progress at talks Saturday focused on bringing the United States back into their landmark nuclear deal with Iran, but said they need more work and time to bring about a future agreement. (AP)

* Democrats signal they’re open to concessions on infrastructure (WP)

* Big Five: There’s regular-big, and then there’s pandemic-big. Over the past year, Apple, Amazon, Facebook, Microsoft and Google have become more enormous than ever, and now account for nearly 25% of the S&P 500’s total value. (WSJ)

* An Artist And A Scientist Take On The Stigma Of Addiction (NPR)

* Trump allies worry Giuliani raid sent 'strong message' to ex-President's inner circle (CNN)

* India reports record-breaking 400,000 new cases, Fauci says crisis ‘like a war’ (WP)

* Faith, Freedom, Fear: Rural America’s Covid Vaccine Skeptics (NYT)

* New London-based standards board targets mid-2022 for global climate company disclosures (Reuters)

* CDC estimates that about 35% of Americans have been affected with Covid-19. (CNN)

* GOP seeks to convince vaccine skeptics within its own ranks (AP)

* Covid 'Doesn't Discriminate By Age': Serious Cases On The Rise In Younger Adults (NPR)

* Republicans have seized on a recent claim that former Secretary of State John Kerry told Iranian Foreign Minister Javad Zarif about Israeli strikes on Iranian interests in Syria. Zarif made the allegation in leaked audio, a claim which, if true, would undermine the US relationship with Israel. (CNN)

* How the Pentagon Started Taking U.F.O.s Seriously (New Yorker)

* Biden administration forges new path on North Korea crisis (WP)

* A Refugee Who Fought Back Against the Hard Right -- Alassa Mfouapon was falsely accused by a German tabloid and a far-right leader of starting a violent protest. So he sued them, and won. (NYT)

* How the pandemic led to a rental car crisis just as Americans are ready to bust loose (WP)

* On top of zero-emission vehicles, GM looks to clean up its own operations (Reuters)

* Biden cancels border wall projects Trump paid for with diverted military funds (WP)

* U.S. Shows Progress in Moving Migrant Children From Border Jails (NYT)

* Season of the Slump: Baseball players keeps swinging and missing (AP)

* Sex Toy Discreetly Shipped In Plain Dildo-Shaped Box (Th Onion)

***

Your Good Girl's Gonna Go Bad

 Singer: Tammy Wynette; Songwriters: Billy Sherrill / Glenn Sutton

I've never seen the inside of a bar room
Or listened to a Jukebox all night long
But I see these are the things that bring you pleasure
So I'm gonna make some changes in our home

I've heard it said if you can't beat 'em join 'em
So if that's the way you wanted me to be
I'll change if it takes that to make you happy
From now on you're gonna see a different me

Because your good girl's gonna go bad
I'm gonna be the swinginest swinger you've ever had
If you like 'em painted up, powdered up
Then you oughta be glad
'Cause your good girl's gonna go bad

I'll even learn to like the taste of whisky
In fact, you'll hardly recognise your wife
I'll buy some brand new clothes and dress up fancy
For my journey to the wilder side of life

Because your good girl's gonna go bad
I'm gonna be the swinginest swinger you've ever had
If you like 'em painted up, powdered up
Then you oughta be glad
'Cause your good girl's gonna go bad

Oh yeah, your good girl's gonna go bad

-30-

Meisje met de parel

 

Every now and then it happens. The light splashes a leaf, turning what appeared to be green into half a rainbow. Or, a sudden breeze stirs a glass-like pond, making you shiver.

These moments freeze like ice. You can’t really move your eyes away even if you try.

Painters live for moments like these; all artists do. 

Often when in Europe on business trips, I would visit museums, which at that time, were unlike their American counterparts; you could walk right up to a painting as if to touch it. On those visits, I came to admire the use of color and light; for some reason the black in a Rembrandt always struck me not as the absence of light but as the essence of beauty.

Of course it wasn’t always black, it may have been green. Splashed by the light it could turn into half a rainbow if you looked long enough.

This memory came back to me recently when I discovered the 2003 film version of the historical novel “Girl With a Pearl Earring.”  The book and the film re-imagine the character who might have inspired what was arguably the Dutch baroque painter Johannes Vermeer’s greatest painting.

As per the book, the film posits that Vermeer's model for the painting was his maid, though there is no evidence this was the case. The original actors cast for the film were Ralph Fiennes and Kate Hudson, but when they both left the project before production started (he for "Maid in Manhattan"), 17-year-old Scarlett Johansson and Colin Firth stepped into the roles.

Firth is simply terrific in every film he's appeared in, a quintessential English character actor, and Johansson's role mainly demanded that she appear modest and desirable. I'm not dissing her performance; she was fabulous in this and other films I've seen.

She most definitely played being desirable.

The unresolved sexual tension between these two yields the story (and in the fictional version the painting) and Johansson does resemble the girl in the actual piece to a remarkable degree. The film also contains scenes that present the Dutch environment of the 1600's as a replication of Vermeer's painting style -- a luminous realism celebrating how light animates our surroundings if we just care to look.

The girl's expression in the painting is the look of knowing she is desired and daring to look back. You don't have to be an artist to appreciate that.

***

That incessant drilling you've been hearing all week indeed is the breaking of ground for what is planned to be my long-term habitat, an extension in the backyard of  this house in the East Bay Hills above San Francisco Bay. It is to be ready later on this year.

The headlines:

* After a Year of Loss, South America Suffers Worst Death Tolls Yet -- If the world doesn’t stop the region’s surging caseload, it could cost us all that we’ve done to fight the pandemic, said one health official. (NYT)

* Ten years later, Islamist terrorism isn’t the threat it used to be (WaPo)

* Florida's GOP leadership looks set to follow Georgia's lead in clamping down on voting, even though former President Donald Trump won the state in November. Legislation restricting voting by mail and banning giving food and water to voters waiting in line now heads to Gov. Ron DeSantis. [AP]

* As Biden called for the passage of the Equality Act during his speech to Congress, lawmakers in Florida and West Virginia advanced anti-transgender legislation. 2021 is shaping up to be the most dangerous year on the books for the LGBTQ community. (HuffPost)

* As the drought imperils crops in the San Joaquin Valley, some farmers are questioning the future of agriculture there. (LAT)

* California lawmakers unveiled a $3.4 billion proposal to help gird the state for drought. (AP)

* U.S. fast-food chains cash in, seize market share during pandemic (Reuters)

* Joe Biden Has the Vision. Now Chuck Schumer Has to Bring It to Life.  -- The Senate majority leader, marking his own 100 days in charge, is responsible for turning sweeping Democratic plans into law. It’s a tall order. (NYT)

* Get Ready For A Shortage Of iPads And MacBooks (NPR)

* All aboard! Biden to help Amtrak mark 50 years on the rails (AP)

* More Than 90 New Airlines Are Launching in 2021. They Say It’s the Perfect Time -- A new class of entrepreneurs believes the moment has arrived to do something that has proved difficult in the best of circumstances: Start an airline. (WSJ)

* Rally in Transportation Stocks Nears 122-Year-Old Record Streak -- Shares of airlines, railroads and trucking companies have been rising on investors’ optimism that renewed economic growth will boost profits at transportation companies. (WSJ)

* FBI told Giuliani and key Trump ally in Senate of disinformation campaign -- Giuliani and Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wis.) were warned in late 2019 that they were targets of a Russian operation intended to damage Joe Biden politically, said people familiar with the matter. (WaPo)

* Amazon said its first-quarter profit more than tripled from a year earlier, fueled by the growth of online shopping. Amazon’s growth comes as it faces activism from within its workforce, but a measure to unionize a warehouse in Alabama was voted down. [AP]

* Firing of U.S. Ambassador Is at Center of Giuliani Investigation -- Prosecutors want to scrutinize Rudolph W. Giuliani’s communications with Ukrainian officials about the ouster of the ambassador, Marie L. Yovanovitch. (NYT)

* First-ever U.S. release of genetically modified mosquitoes begins in Florida Keys (CNN)

* Disneyland is Open (California Today)

* ‘Citizen Kane’ Falls Below ‘Paddington 2’ On Rotten Tomatoes  (The Onion)

***

"Something"

By George Harrison

Something in the way she moves
Attracts me like no other lover
Something in the way she woos me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

Somewhere in her smile she knows
That I don't need no other lover
Something in her style that shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

You're asking me will my love grow
I don't know, I don't know
You stick around, now it may show
I don't know, I don't know

Something in the way she knows
And all I have to do is think of her
Something in the things she shows me
I don't want to leave her now
You know I believe and how

-30-

Where Devils Dwell

Now we are four months into 2021 it's pretty clear that the Covid recession is being replaced by a post-pandemic boom, led by the Biden administration's aggressive investments in tax equity, education, infrastructure and green energy.

If this strategy works, it is a progressive fantasy come true, but danger lurks in the shadows. In this polarized country any action leads to a reaction, and the right-wing extremists and QAnon fanatics haven't gone anywhere, even as prosecutors pick a few off here and there for their role in the Jan. 6th Capitol riot.

Far bigger fish are on prosecutors' radar, of course, as indicated by the raid this week on Rudy Giuliani's place in New York City. There can be little doubt that one ultimate target of the multiple ongoing investigations is Donald Trump, currently in exile in Florida.

The goal will be to force those who know where the bodies are buried, like Giuliani, to flip and turn on Trump, exactly as in any organized crime case. 

The political stakes are as high as the legal ones. Traditionally, the party holding the White House loses some Congressional seats in the mid-term elections; Because the Democrats hold razor-thin margins in both the House and the Senate, they cannot afford for this to happen.

Republicans, meanwhile, have not only stood by Trump, endorsing his politics of fear and hate, but are doubling down by passing voter suppression laws in red states, nakedly aimed to suppress the votes of black and poor people, who skew Democratic.

Biden is betting his big government initiatives will blunt those efforts and win over enough moderate voters to hold Congress and make the second half of his term an opportunity to continue his mission to transform the government into one that better serves the 99 percent, as opposed to Trump's pro-one percent.

That Biden's vision is overwhelmingly best for most people is no guarantee it will prevail, as conspiracy theorists continue to stoke the fears of the less-educated white voters living outside of the big metro areas. What rational observers fear is that the Trumpian nightmares of the past five years have not yet been eradicated from the public square.

In fact, everything we've lived through could get worse. The extremist grip on the GOP could deepen at the city, county and state levels to such an extent that our electoral system could be corrupted the way Trump wanted it to be. Remember it was the Republican local officials who refused to violate their oaths of office and throw the election that saved democracy last time around.

That's why it is not simply a matter of justice, of demonstrating that no one is above the law, to prosecute the master criminal, Trump, to the fullest extent of the law. The integrity of our system is at stake, yes, but so is our future...

The devil lies in the details, i.e., in the news:

* As Trump seizes on Arizona audit, officials fear more partisan vote counts -- The GOP-backed recount of ballots in Arizona’s largest county has been criticized for abandoning state guidelines and allowing the rules to be set by a private contractor who promoted claims that the election was stolen. (WaPo)

* The U.S. economy expanded rapidly in the first quarter, growing at a 6.4% annual rate and extending what economists project will be a robust, consumer-led recovery from the pandemic this year. (WSJ)

* Shopping And Shots Power An Economy Heading To Its Fastest Growth Since 1984 (NPR)

* Poll: About a quarter of adults say they won't try to get a Covid-19 vaccine (CNN)

* The president’s costly proposals amount to a risky gamble that a country polarized along ideological and cultural lines is ready for a more activist government. (NYT)

* After  First 100 days, Biden seeks to leverage narrow majorities to reverse the Reagan era (WaPo)

* Federal agencies are investigating at least two possible incidents on U.S. soil, including one near the White House in November of last year, that appear similar to mysterious, invisible attacks that have led to debilitating symptoms for dozens of U.S. personnel abroad. Multiple sources familiar with the matter tell CNN that while the Pentagon and other agencies probing the matter have reached no clear conclusions on what happened, the fact that such an attack might have taken place so close to the White House is particularly alarming. (CNN)

* A federal grand jury in Georgia indicted three men in connection with the killing of Ahmaud Arbery, a black man who was shot while jogging in Georgia last year. The men each face a hate crime charge and a charge of attempted kidnapping. The indictment came as the Biden administration steps up civil rights enforcement at the Justice Department. [HuffPost]

* A California proposal would let adult children add their parents as dependents to their health insurance plans, a change aimed at increasing insurance coverage among low-income people living in the country illegally who aren't eligible for government-funded coverage. [AP]

* Can Senator Alex Padilla help win back Latinos for Democrats? (Atlantic)

* State Dept. tells Americans to avoid India or leave soon (WaPo)

* Czech lawmakers give nod to same-sex marriage, final vote uncertain (Reuters)

* The Secret Life of Peter Beard (Journal of the Plague Year)

* Senate Democrats deployed a once-obscure law to resurrect Obama-era regulations on methane that the Trump administration had wiped away. (NYT)

* Biden’s address to Congress proves we have an adult back in the presidency (WaPo)

* Peter Cytanovic, 24, the white nationalist featured in a viral photograph from the 2017 “Unite The Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia, joined the U.S. military, but was kicked out before he could attend basic training. (HuffPost)

* Covid-19 vaccination rates in rural Nebraska are far below national averages, highlighting how remote communities, fear of side effects and skepticism have made rural America a stronghold of vaccine hesitancy. (WSJ)

* FDA Moves To Ban Menthol Cigarettes And Flavored Cigars (NPR)

* The Supreme Court refused to consider Texas’ challenge to California’s ban on state-funded business trips to Texas and other states that discriminate against L.G.B.T.Q. people. (AP)

* U.S. Labor Secretary says most gig workers should be classified as employees (Reuters)

* Did the 2020 Census Undercount the Hispanic Population? -- Officials from both parties say the census numbers released this week raise questions about the totals, with Democrats contending that the Hispanic population was undercounted. (NYT)

* Young Afghan women, grown up without Taliban, dread their return (AP)

* Trump supporter found guilty of threatening to kill members of Congress after Jan. 6 insurrection (WaPo)

* People convicted of drug felonies would gain eligibility for food benefits under a provision tucked into the American Families Plan. This unheralded provision would modestly improve access to the government's existing safety net and help formerly incarcerated people reenter society. [HuffPost]

* In Court Hearing, Navalny Calls Putin A 'Naked, Thieving King' (NPR)

* Millions of Dutch tulips bloom again, in a spectacle few will see (Reuters)

* China launches main part of its 1st permanent space station (AP)

* Les braises d'une révolution qui couve depuis longtemps sont allumées en France  -- The 150th anniversary of the Paris Commune of 1871 has struck a chord, reviving calls for better political representation and highlighting economic inequalities. (NYT)

* The Rise of Big Data Psychiatry -- The information captured by our smartphones, as well as new speech- and facial-recognition technologies, can yield invaluable insights for mental health professionals. (WSJ)

* In The Ransomware Battle, Cybercriminals Have The Upper Hand (NPR)

* Controversial Indian Point nuke plant near NYC shuts down (AP)

* How Long Can We Live? -- New research is intensifying the debate — with profound implications for the future of the planet. (NYT Mag)

* 114-year-old Nebraska woman becomes oldest living American (AP)

* Embarrassed CIA Interrogator Realizing He Forgot To Ask Suspect What His Name Is (The Onion)

***

"The Devil Went Down to Georgia" (Songwriters: Charles Fred Hayward / Charlie Daniels / Fred Edwards / James W. Marshall / John Crain / William J. Digregorio)

The devil went down to Georgia he was lookin' for a soul to steal
He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind
And he was willing to make a deal

When he came across this young man
Sawing on a fiddle and playing it hot
And the devil jumped up on a hickory stump

And said, "boy let me tell you what I guess you didn't know it but I'm a fiddle player too
And if you'd care to take a dare I'll make a bet with you"

"Now you play pretty good fiddle, son but give the devil his due
I bet a fiddle of gold against your soul I think I'm better than you"

The boy said, "my name's Johnny
And it might be a sin but I'll take your bet and you're gonna regret
I'm the best that's ever been"

Johnny you resin up your bow and play your fiddle hard
'Cause hell's broke loose in Georgia and the devil deals the cards

And if you win, you get this shiny fiddle made of gold
But if you lose, the devil gets your soul

The devil opened up his case and he said, "I'll start this show"
And fire flew from his fingertips as he rosined up his bow

He dragged the bow across the strings and it made an evil hiss
The band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this

When the devil finished johnny said "well you're pretty good, old son
But sit down in that chair right there and let me show you how it's done"

Fire on the mountain, run boys run
The devil's in the house of the rising sun
Chicken in the bread pan pickin' out dough
Granny does your dog bite, no child no

The devil bowed his head 'cause he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that golden fiddle on the ground at johnny's feet

Johnny said, "devil, just come on back if you ever want to try again
I told you once, you son of a bitch I'm the best that's ever been"

He played, fire on the mountain, run boys run
The devil's in the house of the rising sun
Chicken in the bread pan pickin' out dough
Granny does your dog bite, no child no

-30-

My Sweet Auditor, a Love Story

When Reagan was President, there seemed to be some sort of a crackdown by the IRS on progressive activists and journalists at least around here. Yours truly was audited three consecutive years and I'll never forget my shock on the first day I went to the local IRS waiting room.

Looking around, I knew so many of the others waiting to meet their auditor!

Hardly any of us could afford a lawyer or accountant to represent us, and everyone looked a bit scared. I know I was.

This all seemed strange at the time because none of us earned much money, relatively, but then again Reagan regularly denounced anyone who didn't share his conservative vision. As I waited at the IRS office, I imagined my auditor would be a monster, something like George Harrison's "Taxman."

But my particular auditor turned out to be a winsome young woman fresh out of college with a lovely smile and a sincere desire to satisfy my apparently insatiable desire to learn the ins and outs of her auditing process.

Over the course of my first audit, which lasted for many weeks, she gradually taught me how to comply with the arcane rules I had allegedly violated while trying to juggle a full-time job, two part-time gigs and some random income as a freelance writer.

One of my main problems was that I couldn't convince her that my workspace was a legitimate "home office," because it was also used as the kitchen, dining room, and playroom by my three young children.

Also, I had not kept a written record of my many lunches and business meetings or of my frequent travel as I multitasked work assignments. The agency clearly had not yet figured out how to handle a multitasker, as the word had originated too recently (1966) and was not yet commonly applied to human beings for its systems to process. 

In the end, my attractive auditor ruled that I owed Uncle Sam several hundreds in additional taxes and penalties -- enough so it automatically triggered audits for the two subsequent years, focusing on the same set of issues.

Assuming similar outcomes to those two audits, there would be another one, leading to two more and on and on. (Maybe that's what happened to Donald Trump.)

But I wasn't going to suffer that fate. Besides, I had come to like my auditor and as we parted after that first go-around, she told me somewhat coyly,"You know, you can request me to be your auditor for the next one if you want to, you have a right to that."

When I showed up for my second audit, I officially requested to be assigned the same auditor and the IRS granted my request. This time, I showed up with a complete printed register of all of my lunches and meetings, tons of receipts (all numbered consistent with the register), and a more convincing argument that my home office was legit as it now consisted of a desk in the corner of my bedroom.

There were no toys or dinner plates on my desk when the auditor paid her visit for the mandatory inspection, but there were cookies and tea waiting for my guest.

That second audit ended much better -- in a tie -- I didn't owe the IRS anything!

In due time, as the third audit commenced, I was determined to reclaim some of the money confiscated by the agency back in the first audit. I again requested the same auditor. By now I looked forward to renewing our acquaintance and continuing to perform my role as her obedient auditee. 

This time around we had long frank conversations during which she told me about her dream to get out of the nasty government agency, which she detested, and get a good job at one of the Big Six accounting firms, where she could make some real money. To my way of thinking, she was way too talented to be stuck in such a humdrum profession.

Our conversations were so extensive and emotional that she only had time to give a cursory glance at the impressive documentation I had prepared of my business meals and meetings, widespread travel, and an extensively outfitted home office that transformed what had previously been my bedroom into a distinctly professional workspace.

On her final visit to my former boudoir, my attractive friend gave me some welcome news: My arguments and doccumentation were so persuasive that the IRS would be issuing me a refund -- almost identical to the excess taxes, penalties and fees assessed me back in the first year of our auditing relationship.

So, in the end it was one for  the IRS, one no-decision, and one for me. Nothing gained, nothing lost except a new friend in the accounting business.

Alas, I never saw my sweet auditor again, though from time to time I thought about her over the years. But she was no longer at the IRS office when I next got called in about 30 years later.

All of these memories came back to me as I noted today's headline that the Biden administration plans to target high-income-earners for audits going forward. That should prove much more remunerative than the Reagan era initiative, plus I have some free advice for my much wealthier taxpayer victims:

Don't assume your auditor is a bad guy. And remember, everybody likes tea and cookies.

***

It was a memorable sight Wednesday night at Biden's first joint address to Congress with V-P Harris and Speaker Pelosi, two women from San Francisco, sitting behind him as the next two in the line of succession to the presidency. That's never happened before.

So here are the headlines:

* Biden promises to lift 'left-behind and forgotten' Americans with his ambitious economic agenda (CNN)

* Biden Seeks $80 Billion to Beef Up I.R.S. Audits of High-Earners (NYT)

* Veteran New York Post reporter Laura Italiano said she resigned after being ordered to write a false story that claimed migrant children were being given copies of a book written by Vice President Kamala Harris in "welcome kits." The story set off a days-long misinformation cycle in right-wing circles. [HuffPost]

* Fed Likely to Keep Rates Near Zero as Recovery Picks Up (WSJ)

* The U.S. Built the Afghan Military Over 20 Years. Will It Last One More? (NYT)

* U.S. Navy fires warning shots in new tense encounter with Iran (AP)

* French Police Arrest Extremist Red Brigades Members Sought By Italy -- The members of the violent radical-left Italian terrorist group active in the 1970s and 1980s were arrested Wednesday after years of living under de facto French asylum. (NPR)

* As drought conditions worsen across the state, California water officials are prepared to issue a cease-and-desist order to Nestlé forcing it to stop taking millions of gallons of water out of the San Bernardino forest, which it bottles as Arrowhead brand water. (The Guardian) 

* Race, crime, Trump loom over vote for Manhattan’s top prosecutor (Reuters)

* Just 29.5% of Americans are Fully Vaccinated. (CNN)

* Coronavirus has crushed India’s health system. Patients are on their own. (WaPo)

* India reported a single-day record 3,293 COVID-19 deaths in 24 hours, bringing the country's total fatalities to 201,187, as the world’s second most populous country endures its darkest chapter of the pandemic yet. The surge of new infections is tearing through dense cities and rural areas alike and overwhelming the health care system. [AP]

* ‘This Is a Catastrophe.’ In India, Illness Is Everywhere. (NYT)

* In Israel, gentrification stokes discord as Arabs pushed out (AP)

* Biden’s families plan includes free meals for millions of low-income children (Reuters)

* Fossil fuel trade groups in Louisiana and New Mexico rallied Democratic governors in opposition to Biden’s executive order pausing new oil and gas leasing on federal lands and in offshore waters, according to emails and communications shared exclusively with HuffPost. [HuffPost]

* Lower-than-expected state population totals stoke concerns about the 2020 Census (WaPo)

* After Nearly a Year of Unrest, Portland Leaders Pursue a Crackdown (NYT)

* Federal investigators executed a search warrant at the Manhattan apartment of Rudolph Giuliani, the former New York City mayor and personal lawyer to former President Trump, as they probe his business dealings with Ukraine. (Reuters)

* Video shows NRA head struggling to kill wounded elephant from feet away (WaPo)

* When most of the U.S. went into lockdown over a year ago, some speculated that confining couples to their homes — with little to entertain them beyond Netflix — would lead to a lot of baby-making. But the statistics suggest the opposite happened. Births have fallen dramatically in many states during the coronavirus outbreak, according to an Associated Press analysis of preliminary data from half the country. The COVID-19 baby boom appears to be a baby bust. (AP)

* The campaign to recall the state’s governor, Gavin Newsom, shows that even a one-party stronghold like California can be rocked by the nation’s political polarization. (NYT)

* 25 Down And 71,632 To Go: Scientists Seek Genomes Of All Critters With A Backbone (NPR)

* As climate changes, study finds world’s glaciers melting faster (Reuters)

* For a second year, there will be no Burning Man. But the festival will be back in 2022, organizers say. (California Today)

* After Failures to Curb Sexual Assault, a Move Toward a Major Shift in Military Law -- Senator Kirsten Gillibrand has fought for years to remove commanders from deciding assault cases. Now, more colleagues and a Pentagon panel agree. (NYT)

* Ten years after they found and killed Osama bin Laden, U.S. Navy SEALs are undergoing a major transition to improve leadership and expand their commando capabilities to better battle threats from global powers like China and Russia. (AP)

* Mining robot stranded on Pacific Ocean floor in deep-sea mining trial (Reuters)

* Deadly air pollutant disproportionately harms Americans of color, study finds (WaPo)

* Researchers Determine Coelacanth Faked Own Extinction To Escape Massive Gambling Debt (The Onion)

***

"Taxman"

(By George Harrison)

One, two, three, four
One, two (one, two, three, four)

Let me tell you how it will be
There's one for you, nineteen for me
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman

Should five percent appear too small
Be thankful I don't take it all
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman

I'll tax the street
(If you try to sit, sit) I'll tax your seat
(If you get too cold, cold) I'll tax the heat
(If you take a walk, walk) I'll tax your feet
(Taxman)

'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman

Don't ask me what I want it for
(Ah, ah, Mr. Wilson)
If you don't want to pay some more
(Ah, ah, Mr. Heath)
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman

Now my advice for those who die (taxman)
Declare the pennies on your eyes (taxman)
'Cause I'm the taxman
Yeah, I'm the taxman
And you're working for no one but me (taxman)

-30-