Your Name Here

We here at David Weir Consulting, Inc., receive so many credit card offers that we've decided to develop a brand new kind of card that we intend to call the LifeCard*.

The idea behind this card is you can do anything and everything in your primary role as a consumer with it. It has a built-in microchip and a beeper that warns you when you are about to buy something that you'll regret later. How can we do this? Our embedded EKG technology monitors your heart rate, and notices that distinctive flutter when we consumers are about to make a financial move that will cause them distress tomorrow...

In addition, due to our patented built-in keyboard and wireless Internet access, you can search to ensure that that item you're about to purchase is indeed the cheapest one out there. With our GPS "store locator" feature, we'll redirect you to a competitive tienda nearby.

Yes, we also feature a special multi-lingual capability. Just press "L" and a pop-up menu gives you the ability to translate your offer into Spanish, Dari, Tagalog, and Uzbeki. (Okay, we're working on a few of the more popular ones.)

Finally, and this is such a cool thing it gives us the shivers, the LifeCard* makes it impossible for anyone to steal your identity. How do we do this?

Every card is exactly the same. It carries the number 123456789 and the holder is identified as "Your Name Here." So you see, we steal your identity just to make sure none of the bad guys can do it.

In a future post we will reveal the fine print. For now, just imagine one of those radio ads where drug companies are allowed to be speed up the part where they reveal all the side effects of their products. We're trying to get rid of the minor bug that by using LifeCard*, you automatically forfeit the right to your individuality, but hey, there ain't no free lunch, right?

* = If you agree to sign our NDA, we will give you access to our unique technology for a simple, one-time fee of $123,456,789. Trust us, it's the last true bargain.

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