In this relentless heat, with sweat dripping from my pores, I may be somewhat delirious. It wouldn't be the first time. Since my time in India, in Bangalore, February 1971, I've relived that strange and wonderful state of altered consciousness that delirium brings on many times, and it has always brought new insights, (something both Kipling and Conrad understood.)
On the other hand, here in a more temperate world, where it is usually cool and everyone knows how to be very, very cool, I don't know how much patience anyone could have for me after all of these months, and hundreds of posts, since I seem to be staying badly stuck on a woman who is so very far gone from me as to make this longing I feel a joke. Right?
Sometimes, I fantasize about what it would be like if someone -- anyone -- adored me as much as I have adored her. What if someone who loves words or music or art as much as I do focused herself on me, my nature, my eyes, my lips, my hair, my arms and hands, my thinking, my songs and my yearnings? What if somebody thought that story was worth telling?
How sweet it must be to be someone's obsession.
Of course, no one will ever be able to compete with me for the right to write about me, at least not as long as I am alive. I am the story-teller here, and I would never tolerate competition.
Do you want to know one of my favorite ballads? "Sad-eyed Lady of the Lowlands," (Bob Dylan)...Do you want to know who bought me his CD with this cut last year one day when I was feeling down? Yes, I remember each and every thing she has ever done for me.
But my lovely if departed girlfriend says she wants me to "move on." To her, that means I should be dating other women.
I guess I will do so, as long as I can be sure they know they are dating a man who has not yet let another woman go in his heart. So, yes, I will go on dates. I will. Or I think I will. Maybe I will.
Right? This is truly what she wishes for me?
(Note: At first I published this as a poll. But that seems silly now it is 4:55 a.m. So I'll remove the first votes, Everyone said "yes" anyway.)
***
Severe Weather Warning just posted here in the Bay Area...
SOUTHERN SALINAS VALLEY/ARROYO SECO AND LAKE SAN ANTONIO-
SANTA LUCIA MOUNTAINS AND LOS PADRES NATIONAL FOREST-
MOUNTAINS OF SAN BENITO COUNTY AND INTERIOR MONTEREY COUNTY
INCLUDING PINNACLES NATIONAL MONUMENT-SAN FRANCISCO-
COASTAL NORTH BAY INCLUDING POINT REYES NATIONAL SEASHORE-
NORTH BAY INTERIOR VALLEYS-NORTH BAY MOUNTAINS-
SAN FRANCISCO BAY SHORELINE-EAST BAY INTERIOR VALLEYS-
SAN FRANCISCO PENINSULA COAST-EAST BAY HILLS AND THE DIABLO RANGE-
SANTA CRUZ MOUNTAINS-SANTA CLARA VALLEY INCLUDING SAN JOSE-
MONTEREY BAY/NORTHERN SALINAS VALLEY/HOLLISTER VALLEY AND CARMEL
VALLEY-
129 AM PDT SUN JUL 23 2006
...BAY AREA HEAT WAVE CONTINUES TO SHATTER RECORDS...
...ALL TIME RECORD HIGH MINIMUM TEMPERATURE BROKEN IN SAN JOSE...
THE SAN FRANCISCO BAY AREA CONTINUES TO SIZZLE UNDER AN UNUSUALLY
STRONG UPPER LEVEL RIDGE OF HIGH PRESSURE. MANY LOCATIONS SHATTERED
THEIR RECORD HIGH TEMPERATURES SATURDAY...SOME FOR THE SECOND DAY
IN A ROW. MOST BAY AREA RESIDENTS FELT THE TEMPERATURE CLIMB ABOVE
100 DEGREES...WITH TEMPERATURES REACHING 110 DEGREES OR ABOVE IN THE
INTERIOR VALLEYS. A REMOTE FIRE WEATHER REPORTING STATION NEAR
BRADLEY IN SOUTHERN MONTEREY COUNTY REPORTED A HIGH TEMPERATURE OF
120 DEGREES SATURDAY. LITTLE TO NO RELIEF IS EXPECTED INLAND ON
SUNDAY...SO MORE RECORDS WILL LIKELY FALL.
THE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF RECORD HIGH TEMPERATURES THAT WERE
BROKEN SATURDAY...
NEW HIGH TEMPERATURE RECORDS FOR JULY 22
SITE HIGH THIS AFTERNOON PREVIOUS RECORD
--------- ------------------- ---------------
KENTFIELD 105 101 IN 1916
SAN RAFAEL 108 95 IN 1954
MOFFETT FIELD 101 89 IN 1954
NAPA 107 105 IN 1917
OAKLAND (DOWNTOWN) 94 82 IN 1974
OAKLAND AIRPORT 98 87 IN 1954
SAN JOSE (DOWNTOWN) 103 99 IN 1917
SAN FRANCISCO AIRPORT 97 89 IN 1954
SAN FRANCISCO (DOWNTOWN) 87 81 IN 1917
GILROY 109 106 IN 1996
MONTEREY 88 84 IN 1954
SALINAS 88 76 IN 2005
SANTA CRUZ 92 (TIE) 92 IN 1945
San Francisco(D's house) 95 94 (yesterday)
Okay, so now everybody will believe in global warming.
5 comments:
In the beginning it felt like you were working out your feelings and next steps by writing. This is the first time that I have felt that you might get stuck. I didn't expect another community interpretation. But we will keep voting as you request because you bring such wonderful insights to your story. Live your life. Your friend realized for her own reasons that the relationship was not going to work for her. It didn't work for you either. And maybe you can begin to meet new people who are interested in art and photography. That's a great vision -- you, the journalist, with a political artist. Yes.
Post a Comment